KICK With a Side of Grace, Please!

Can I be honest with you, sweet friend who takes time to read my measly ol' blog? (You're awesome, by the way!)

I've been in what I call a "funk" for the past few months. 

My guess is most likely you've been in a funk at some point too, or maybe you're in a funk right now? 

These days I feel lower in energy, and feel I'm "just" scraping by in all I do. I'm not feeling like a supermom these days, at all. I'm not feeling like a superwife. I just don't feel "super" at anything. I've gotten headaches more often. I'm not as quick to get out of bed in the morning. You name it, and it's probably a little more of a struggle for me right now. (I don't want family to worry if they're reading - so please know it's not a debilitating kind of funk at all, and I'm still healthily-functioning -- just not *as* well as usual.)

I wish I knew the *exact* reason why I'm in this funk. I have an idea, so I'll share a bit later in this post.

It's not easy to share this.  These days the internet is FULL of superwomen (or what appear to be). I've always known I'm not one of them, but these days I'm reminded I'm REALLY not one of them. 

I've been told it's not good to kick yourself. I beg to differ. If you don't kick yourself, what's there to push you to improve? If you ask me, all my life improvements have been a result of some form of kicking. I think an appropriate kick is good if it comes with a side of encouragement and cheering on. Cue in the Holy Spirit, to whom I give credit for being the ULTIMATE grace kicker. If you're just kicking yourself and actually HURTing yourself (to where you flat out don't want to get back up), that my friend, isn't the Holy Spirit -- that kind of kickin' is not what I'm talking about. The Holy Spirit may let you kick yourself, but will also make sure there's a side of encouragement and grace to go along with it so that you can get up and *move* to improve whatever it is you're kicking yourself for. 

This past week, I've been kicking myself with a side of grace. I'm kicking myself knowing I can do better right now, and *need* to do better *right now.* For God. For my husband. For my kids. 

As you probably know, we're currently in the valley of an international adoption process. Our paperwork is in China and we're simply just waiting to be matched with our little boy (or girl). Literally *any day* and *any time* a phone call will come asking if we'd like to view a special lil boy's or girl's file which very well could be our son or daughter! We've been waiting 10+ weeks/2 1/2 months since our paperwork was sent. That may not sound long -- but when you're open to either gender, many people receive referrals within a month or so, so 2 1/2 months is fairly long to be waiting.

Is my funk to do with this process? I actually think so. I'm abnormally emotional these days. I tear up more often. I deep-dream-sleep almost non-stop through the night which I believe is why I've been waking up with a headache pretty often. I also wake up through the night insanely more often than I ever have - usually thinking about the process and our little one. So all of this makes me think it's the process.

I would *hope* the cure is just getting our son or daughter's referral -- but I know the waiting will probably get even tougher, so I can't count on just snapping back when that day (hopefully very soon) comes. 

These last months as a family of four before we become five are special, and I know that. We do spend *a lot* of time together, which is one thing I feel good about (this is when grace comes in after the kicking). We homeschool (as you know), and when the hub gets home, we eat together of course, then the rest of the evening we spend on the trampoline, going to the field to throw/hit balls, you name it, and we're doing it together. Family time has always been and is very important to us. Good, quality, sort-of-unproductive family time where we're all splitting our sides in laughter is important. Evenings where we're all together is when I'm at my happiest -- it's throughout the day that is tougher.

Tips for a successful KICK with a side of grace?

• Open up to the Lord. Tell Him what you're experiencing. Basically -- cast your cares on Him!
• Praise Him and thank Him for all your past and current blessings. 
• Be honest with yourself and Him. What is needing improvement? Outline the specifics!
• Now that you've outlined specific things needing improvement -- how will you improve those things? Trouble getting out of bed at a specific time? Ask your spouse to call you at a specific time to wake you up. Put your alarm clock further away from you. How about house-keeping? Struggling with Mt. Clothesmore? Begin doing two loads a day -- eventually you'll knock Mt. Clothesmore to no-more. You get the drift.
• Name things you are currently doing *well.* Are you loving on your kids despite the sink being full? GOOD! Give yourself some grace.
• Ask the Lord to help and guide you. Admit your faults. And if whatever it is is causing sin, ask for forgiveness. God's Word states that to even know good and not do it is sin. Laziness can be sin. Not improving can be sin. Whatever is -- lay it at His feet, and ask Him to guide you. Remember though, God isn't our puppeteer -- we are in charge of moving ourselves -- He can only help guide us in that.
• Cheer yourself on. You can do this. If you're finding yourself in a deep-deep valley and feel you can't do this on your own, seek help. Yes, God can help you -- but sometimes we also need the help of others who can be used as His hands and feet. Surround yourself with those that can encourage or help you -- who are walking a similar road or who *have* walked a similar road. When beginning homeschooling - I tried to surround myself with other homeschoolers. Now that we're adopting -- I  have surrounded myself with adoptive-families. Your road is *not* meant to be walked alone! 

The internet is full of encouragement-only blogs. I apologize this isn't exactly one of them. We all can improve in one way or another in one facet or another in our lives. Let's stop accepting mediocre, and strive for better (not for ourselves, but for those we love so dearly around us, and most importantly for our dear Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!).

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Waiting With {Not On} Him

If you've kept up with our family's adoption blog -- you know right now we're currently "waiting" for THE "call" that could come any day any time. (The call that will potentially-and-instantly lead us to our lil dumpling's file and pictures of him [or her]..)

We've been waiting technically since March 4, so we like to think we're close to receiving "the call."

Just yesterday sitting and chatting with two dear friends of mine, they asked how the process was going, and well -- I didn't have much to say. All I can say is that we're waiting. And waiting. And...waiting. Did I mention we're waiting?!! *Eye twitch* :-)

There is so much to learn in "the waiting" though. In my anxiousness and impatience, God gently reminds me that He's in control. He's got this. He has a plan that He's busy executing -- even though I don't see it yet.

Let me tell you friend, He is so patient with me. Believe me, He should've spanked me by now for my impatience and ultimately not trusting fully in His plan in all of this -- but nope. No spankings. Just gentle reminders. He is ever-so-gracious with my impatient-anxious-undeserving-self.

I told my friends yesterday that I could be talking to you, listening to you, but adoption will *still* be somewhere on my mind. It's either at the front of my mind, or in the back. It. Is. Always. There. And don't get me started on when the phone rings...

But while waiting is hard, nerve-wrecking, and tough -- it's actually a good thing. I just have to get that through this thick skull of mine!

In our waiting, we'll find ourselves relying more on our sweet Lord. Trusting Him more. Having to practice patience more (which is definitely a lost-art today).  And aren't all of those things something we all need more of? In this day in age, we find ourselves being more independent and ya know, "take charge" kind-of-people -- so I think having control taken out of our hands and put in God's can most certainly be a good thing. Actually, not just a good thing -- an imperative thing. I might add that it's also necessary in our walks-with-Christ.

We impatient lil-beings are always in a hurry in everything we do. We hurry to get dinner done. We hurry to get ready to go. Hurry to get the kids from point A to point B. We hurry, hurry, hurry. But God? He's not the hurrying-type.

Have you ever noticed that things that take time are typically done in a much more efficient and careful manner? After-all, you can't rush beauty. You can't rush true art. You can't rush writing a good story. You can't rush miracles. So it's no wonder that our God is not as into rushing and hurrying things as we are. Boy oh boy, thank goodness He isn't.

Take Mary and Martha when Lazarus had passed. Remember? When Jesus showed up (presumably too late in their opinion - they said Lazarus wouldn't have died if Jesus would've gotten there sooner). Now we can read this scripture and think "Oh, the nerve to even question Jesus!" But boy, are we so much guiltier on a consistent basis of questioning the good will of our Father. Why would Jesus wait so long to go to Lazarus?? He wanted them to fully-experience-and-see the full power and glory of God; to give them a deeper understanding of His promises, and to increase their faith substantially. They didn't know why Jesus was delaying at the time, and boy were they confused, but afterward they could see the why.

While the waiting is hard, there are reasons why it's good for us to wait. It's also important to remember that we are not waiting alone! Too often we wait ON Him. God isn't directing and scheming somewhere high up in the sky over us -- He's right here with us. Right. Here. With. Us. We can have peace in waiting with Him, all while He's working in our life. I know all of this is common sense, but sometimes I need the reminder myself. And sometimes I get lonely in this process. I need constant reminders that I can wait with Him not on Him.

Even *after* we "get the call," we'll still have plenty more waiting to do (and that waiting will be harder than this waiting - because we'll have a picture of the sweetest-most-precious-lil-dumpling and we'll be wanting to get on that plane ASAP to get him/her). We're trusting and holding steadfast to God's plan though. There's a reason we haven't gotten a call yet; our little's file may have not shown up to our agency yet. Another family could be reviewing their file currently before making it into our hands. The staff may be busy matching other families in process. Or God may even have twins eventually for us! (Okay, not by a LONG shot - though it's fun to dream about!) But you get the point! Every adoptive-mama I've talked to (after completing the process) has looked back and can see "the why" -- why certain steps took longer than they would have liked at the time - why paperwork had to be redone - why this or why that --- but they can look back and see God's most-sovereign-hand in it all -- and how it all ultimately worked out beautifully according to His (slower-more-carefully-crafted) plan.

So what are you waiting for? Commit it to the Lord, trust, and wait with Him!

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Life Lessons From an Older Pup

Fellow Pups,

My name is Tarsus. I go by Tar-Tar for short -- also by some embarrassing names my mama calls me, which are but certainly not limited to: Tooshy-Baby, Boochie-Bear, Stinker-Muffins, Demon, Fubby, Fubby-Bubby, and Tarty-Bar-Bar. Don't ask. I don't know. None of those make a lick of sense.

My mama always says life is like a box of chocolates, ya never know which one you're going to get. I think she's talking about me. I like to think I'm her favorite kinda chocolate -- milk chocolate with nice smooth caramel inside.

Anywoof, let's get down to business. And no, not the kind my mama tells me to do in the yard.

Unfortunately like many, I made a lot of mistakes in my early puppy youth. You name it, I did it. I urinated more times than I can count on the hard floors. I ruined a toy or two, or three. I completely obliterated the porch screen door. I've annoyed my sister to tears (isn't that what brothers do though?). I've driven my daddy quite batty. I've messed up schoolwork. I've eaten schoolwork. I've eaten pencils. I've ran off to explore the neighborhood sending my mom slipping on ice after me. I've scratched the table. Even the cabinets. If you haven't figured it by now -- I've done it all. Somehow, just somehow though, my Owner still loves me. I try. I fail. I try again. But they still love me. I can't tell you how good it feels to have someone unconditionally love me like that. I wish all other pups and dogs could understand how much they're loved.

I hear my mama talk about this Jesus guy who loves her and everyone else unconditionally. She talks about this word 'grace' a lot. She says that no matter how many times in the past you've failed, there's always a future with this Jesus person -- that is, if you choose. The way she describes Christ's love for her is strangely a little like how I've seen her love me. She loves me despite all the mistakes I've made in my youth. And I've heard her even tell my human brother and sister that Jesus loves them even more than SHE loves them. Is that even woofin' possible? I'm sure she's telling the truth, but I know she sure loves them to the moon-and-back-and-back-again. I can only imagine how much this Jesus guy must love His human-lil-beings if my mama can love a dog like me so much even despite all my stupid mistakes.

So -- getting back to business. Here are some simple/basic lessons I've learned in my young-short-life that I wish to share in hopes my puppy friends don't have to learn the hard way:::

• A lack of patience and trust doesn't get you what you want when you want it. Let's face it, us dogs don't have control over situations for the most part. Control is out of our paws. The sooner we learn that, the better. So I've learned to put my trust in my Owner -- because it's really out of my paws anyhow. My Owner's timing is often better than mine. They know what they're doing, and I don't know what I'm doing for the most part. I'm a dog. My Owner is human. They are quite a bit more knowledgeable than I am. Really.
• Obedience to your Owner will save you a lot of trouble. There are good reasons why your Owner has a set rules to obey. Rules are good. They keep you safe and from doing really dumb things that have a negative effect not just on you, but those you most love (and who love you most). Your Owner took you in. Has loved you unconditionally. Has fed you. Bathed you. You name it. Don't you think the least you (and I) could do is to simply obey them? Think about this the next time you're tempted to run off, sneak something you shouldn't, or see a good lookin' doggy walkin' by.
• The grass isn't greener on the other side. And you know what? The reason it's not green on YOUR side is probably because you've pottied on it too darn much to begin with!
• Some of the most enticing things are the most dangerous. I don't care how good that mushroom looks, DON'T eat it.
• What goes in must come out. Next time you think about eating the squeaker outta that toy, remember this.
• Work hard for what you want. You can't just expect to be given things! Your Owner isn't just going to toss you that treat for nothin'. You better work at sitting on command and being patient or else that treat is toast. No, not real toast. Toast as in nothing. Nevermind. Just know you won't get the treat unless you're willing to put in the work.
• Jealousy causes ugly behavior. My sis gets a lot of attention. That makes me jealous. And in my jealousy, I've acted pretty ugly. I've taken it out on her, even though it wasn't her problem. I'm starting to realize my ugly-jealous-behavior doesn't help me OR my sister. In fact, in the end, it just makes me more and more jealous because my sister gets even more attention from my bad behavior. It's a stupid cycle I'm finally trying to stop.
• Don't give up. I know it's hard not chewing. I know it's hard to stop pottying in places you shouldn't. To stop sniffing backsides. To stop sneaking food off tables. But try, try, try again! Eventually you will get it through that lil numb-head skull of yours -- just after the millionth time or so.
• At the end of the day, your Owner loves you. Let's face it. You're a dog. You do stupid things. Quite often. It's sort of like you're wired that way. But at the end of the day? Your Owner loves you. And they always will. On a side note though -- since they've loved you first, given their all for you despite every stupid mistake you've made...the least you can do is ask for their forgiveness, love them in return, and try to do better from here on out.

                                                                                     Your Pal in Training,                            
                                                                                                                                                 Tarsus

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Choosing to Love When It's Tough

I believe in many cases, we're being tested when we're presented situations with tough people (even friends) with which we find it hard to look past (what they did), to forgive (what they did), to swallow our pride and to turn the other cheek (from what they did), and to even *gulp* still *love* (despite what they did).

I believe in only rare cases are we called to completely oust someone from our life. Over a disagreement? No. Over miscommunication? No. Over a text message? Goodness no. We completely abuse the ol' "remove poison from your life" mantra. Sometimes, we need to remove poisonous people from our life, but only after correctly handling the situation with them, and even then, we're still called to love. (Study Matthew 18 if you need guidance on how to handle these conflicts.)

How we handle all these situations reflects our very inner-most-spiritual-core-being.

If we can't even love those who share our Lord as their Savior, how in the world do we expect to love those with extreme opposite religious, political, and other views in general? How in the world do we expect to witness to a lost and dying world? The best thing that can happen to you is for you to be FORCED to learn to love tough people. Do you have to agree? No. But boy, will you *grow* and truly learn *love* in ways you've never understood before when you're tested beyond belief to love really tough people.

Let's face it -- many people make it tough to love them. Some REALLY make it tough to love them. Others make it splendidly EASY to love (try being one of those). Jesus hasn't called us to love the easy-to-love though, in fact, He's called us to love the really-tough-to-love. That's a hard pill to swallow.

What makes it even tougher to love? When people do not apologize. Even tougher? When people *keep* on hurting you. *Gulp* But...we are still called to love.

It's easy to toss the word "love" around. I've known Christians to get in a nasty spat with others, shake the dust off their clothing, and basically state (in a round-about-way), "I love you. But you're out of my life." One has to wonder, "Is that true love?" 

Do you believe in biblical times, people who lived in close-knit communities just totally ousted others from their lives on a regular basis? I honestly doubt it. But we live in a different age where most of our interactions are with people from different cities, states, even countries. We communicate via e-mail/Facebook/Twitter/Etc. We've totally disassociated ourselves from people -- to the point we find it incredibly easy to dismiss others as mere interests in our lives. But I don't think just because we live in "these sort of times" that it excuses us from this and truly loving people.

So what is love? What does love truly look like?

As Christians, we know the very definition of 'love' comes from God-in-flesh, His own Son - Jesus Christ -- who, coming down to this earth, committed the ULTIMATE act of love there ever was and ever will be. To willingly be crucified on a cross for humanity. And as you know, even after being beaten to a bloody-pulp and spat on -- what did Jesus do? Did He righteously scream out the injustices done to Him? Did He spew out unforgiveness? No. Remember? He took it all, and even requested His father to "forgive them, for they know not what they do."

((And imagine, if Paul and several other disciples chose not to love when it was tough. And boy, was it tough at times. They could have easily chose not to love, stay in one place where it was comfortable, and avoid all the sneering, the stoning, and the downright maltreatment and hard-as-anything journeys. They continued on, many, until it cost them their own lives...for obedience; for love.))

All of that to say this --- if our precious, pure, perfect, and holy Jesus Christ can willingly go to the cross for the *very* people who were beating, accusing, spitting, and nailing Him down to the cross -- couldn't we, as inexcusably-imperfect-beings at the very-pathetically-least, forgive a brother or sister, friend, or "frenemy" for some silly words tossed back and forth? To simply ask someone how they're doing that we haven't talked to in a while?

What's sad -- we can't even take our little finger and push 'Like' on someone we "take issue with"s picture on Facebook. You know, the whole "I'll still keep you as my FB friend, but don't think I'll care enough to 'Like' or comment on any of your stuff."

Why am I using the FB example? Because we've all seen it. Experienced it. And quite honestly, it's a great example of some of the most pettiest-unloving-behaviors we can commit.

Jesus went to the cross and even forgave those people beating and nailing Him to the cross, yet we can't even lift our tiny-little-human-finger to lovingly 'Like' or comment (you name it) someone's post on a computer screen. Folks, that's a serious problem. It sounds petty -- because *it is.*

The biggest act of pride is to shun, ignore, and to dismiss people as if they amount to nothing. Jesus calls us to swallow that pride, and to love and forgive anyway -- even when it's tough.

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I Used to Think *I* Was a Good Person

I used to think I was a good person. 

I used to have to "think" about what "sin" or ugliness I was dealing with. I'd say to myself, "I don't lie. I don't envy. I don't drink. I don't lust. I don't [fill in blank]." Boy, even though I may have not been doing "all those things and more" I was still fooling myself to think I was "just fine" or ya know, a "good person." What partially helped attribute to my "feeling fine" was growing up in a church that taught mostly "what not to do" versus "what we ought to do." It's easy to think you're great-and-dandy when you're not doing "any bad things" but when we examine the things we *ought* to be doing is when the ugliness in our hearts really surfaces.

So as time goes on, the ugliness of my heart is increasingly exposed.

Ironically? The ugliness gets more exposed the more I grow closer to Him. Odd isn't it?

As we tread through this process, many aspects have left us vulnerable -- exposed.. I feel as though my heart has been laid out on a table before me, and God is poking and prodding at it. Layer after layer is being pulled back. Nothing is hiding. 

Layer after layer of fake is pulled back. Ugly after ugly is exposed. IS there true beauty and goodness in there -- somewhere? 

The questions. Questions about why we would choose to adopt internationally when we should be adopting "our own here." Questions about surely not adopting a "disabled" child (newsflash:::all are *able*  in God's eyes). Adopting a child that has medical unknowns -- "Why would you do that?" Hints here and there that cuter kids garner more attention and the likelihood of being adopted. Dear God, have us see these children as YOU see them! My, how ugly of people we can really be.

Who are we kidding? Every day we 'Like' a post showing a cute little girl that just happens to have Down Syndrome singing and dancing. It makes us feel all good inside -- throwing a layer of what appears as beauty over our hearts to cover up the true ugliness -- the true ugliness that says that little girl is cute dancing, living, eating, and playing in someone else's home -- but certainly never our own. The ugliness that says that our own comfort and lifestyle and future hopes of blessed-retirement means more than possible life-long-care-giving (even though our retirement's laid up in Heaven). We throw these layers over our hearts to hide what's beneath. The deep-dark-beneath we don't want others to see -- sometimes, what we don't want ourselves to see.

We go back and forth and back and forth again on the special "needs" we're open to. True -- you should only be open to what needs your family can handle. But, are there needs we simply aren't open to because of our own selfishness? Comfort level? The deep-down-ugliness of our hearts? 

Every day we read an "inspiring" story on the plight of orphans finding families or receiving the care they need, foster children finding forever families, etc. We may even 'Share' these stories; again, blanketing a layer of what appears as "good" over a heart of ugliness. A heart that says $30 a month is too much to sponsor a child so they can have food in their belly. A heart that says 3,000 square feet of space is still not enough to add another child. A heart that knows *that* would just make life "harder."

We shout from the rooftops how horrible it is to not allow refugees in our country during times of certain crisis. Yet, when was the last time we invited a needy stranger into our home for dinner?? Ah, but shouting and posting makes us feel like good people. 

Every day we pass by a homeless person. We blanket a layer of 'goodness' on our hearts by giving a couple dollars. The ugliness of our heart hides beneath and echoes that we can't take even two minutes to get to know that person. Tossing a couple dollars is easier after-all -- it makes for a good easy layer to quickly throw over the ugly.

Is true beauty in there somewhere? Is it just buried underneath all the fake and ugly layers in our hearts???

Here is the good news :: There IS true Beauty in our hearts. Christ alone is that beauty. The fake stuff we like to layer on over the ugly? The ugly itself? That's just our fleshly-fallen-human-selves. And all that ugliness and fake -- it's covered in God's grace -- even though we are so undeserving of it.

It's my prayer that God keeps exposing the ugly and fake layers of my heart by pulling them back and that He helps me truly layer on His true beauty, goodness, and grace -- all by edifying and exemplifying Him through all my thoughts, words, and actions. And by laying down *my* own selfish-fleshly-desires, and picking up His. 

*I* within my own self can never be "good." Only HE that is within me is good.

"He's still working on me...
 To make me what I ought to be...
 It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars..
 The sun and earth and Jupitor and Mars...
 How loving and patient He must be...'cause He's still workin' on me." 

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New Year and a Challenge for All of Us

2016!!

As I look into the new year, I can't help but think of *one* major "resolution" or "goal" we have for our family. I posted about this just yesterday on Facebook, so I apologize if I repeat myself. :-) 

So, without a doubt, as I think about this year, I can't help but feel numerous overwhelming emotions -- mostly being excitement. 

Lord willing, by summer-to-fall, we'll be standing in a Chinese government office finalizing our Little Stump's adoption. 

Lord willing, we will see his/her face for the first time within the next couple months. Oh what a day that will be! I. can't. even. We're putting this in God's hands and trust He will lead us to our child in His timing.

This year will be one of the most craziest-hardest-yet-greatest years of our life. I've been told time and time again this will not easy. In fact, it will be insanely hard. But I've also heard some of the hardest things in life are also some of the things most worth fighting for. My precious Savior has also shown me that our little one is worth DYING for. They. are. worth. dying. for. Whatever it takes, we will get to him/her; no matter how emotionally taxing, financially exhausting, physically depleting -- we will do what it takes to bring them home.

I posted this sort of thing just yesterday, and as I wrote the words "worth DYING for.." a flood of thoughts crossed my mind. Think about it:: Worth. Dying. For. Such an elementary thought for us Christians, isn't it? Of course you and I were worth dying for -- after-all, our dear Savior ultimately showed us that on a rugged cross 2,000 years ago. I mean, this is the basis of the Gospel. The very foundation. But have we truly internalized this? What do our actions show for it?

And so, here's my challenge for all of us this year...

Let's start with treating our spouses as if they're worth DYING for. Next, let's treat our children as if they're truly worth DYING for. (Easy enough so far..) After that, let's treat our extended family as if they're worth DYING for. Our friends? Treat them as if they're worth DYING for. Facebook friends that post annoying political posts? Worth dying for. Our bosses? Worth dying for. Co-workers? Treat them as if they're worth DYING for. Estranged friends we felt have wronged us? Worth dying for. Annoying telemarketer? The cashier at Target? Worth dying for. That orphan a world-away? Worth dying for. That tiny unborn baby? Worth dying for. 

Imagine if we saw people as Jesus sees them? This doesn't mean ignoring important issues or being so soft as to not speak truth to people. This doesn't translate to injustice. Nor handouts that do more harm than good. It doesn't mean agreeing with opposing political views. Nor allowing people to make choices that harm themselves or others (that would be the opposite of true love). It means treating people as if they're intrinsically-immensely-valuable human beings that our dear Savior DIED for, and would have DIED for if they were the only person on earth. It means putting our money where our mouths are. It means giving more of ourselves for others. It means realizing that children outside our four walls are just as important as our own kids. It means speaking the truth, not for simply being "right," but doing so out of love, because if we don't do it in love as 1 Corinthians says, we are nothing. It means stepping out of our personal comfort zone to share the Gospel to a stranger that Christ DIED for. It means forgiving the unforgivable. It means better self-control in our marriages and parenting. It means complete faithfulness to our spouses (even when alone viewing a TV or computer screen). It means walking away from your kids when you're about to blow in order to cool off before you discipline. It means responding with tact to those who curse or who antagonize us. It means making room on our busy schedules for others. It means finally walking the walk and not just talking the talk. It means cutting back on your monthly expenses to give towards charity, child sponsorship, or other causes that show others are worth dying for. It means setting aside our selfish tendencies to live as comfortably as possible (after-all, our retirement is laid up in Heaven, not earth). 

So my challenge to myself, and to you for this year, is to treat all those around us like they are worth dying for. Let's stop living as if we, alone, and our little special families are the only ones Jesus died for. There's a whole world outside our four little walls. And while that thought is crazy-overwhelming, making a difference in just *one* life is of tremendous worth -- because Jesus, after-all, would've died even just for that one. single. person.

"And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again."

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." 

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

"If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen." John 4:20

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

-We love because HE first loved us.-

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All I Want For Christmas...

All I want for Christmas is...

Can you guess?

Well, can ya?!

It's Dec. 7, and usually I have all my shopping done by now for Christmas. And well, I've bought just one gift so far, and that was just lastnight. And yes, it was China-related. (I found a Barbie in beautiful Chinese apparel that I know our 9 year old will love.) We're cutting our spending this year in half as well, which also brings a bit more of a shopping challenge.

So why am I slacking? Why am I just not feeling the Christmas spirit as much as I usually do?

While I'm taking in the true meaning of Christmas like I usually do, I just can't help but feel there's just something missing. And they happen to be half-a-world-away in China. And it just doesn't feel right spending Christmas without them. 

While I'm shopping for two kids, I feel as though I should be shopping for three.

I know this sounds weird. After-all, we don't know who our child is yet. When they were born. What they look like. What they sound like. But, all we know is this -- they're out there waiting in China for us, and we're waiting for them, and to think of them spending a Christmas without our love and care is painful. To think that they won't be getting kisses goodnight by mama and baba. They won't be waking up to present-opening on Christmas morning. Eating delicious Christmas cookies at our family gathering. Pulling little goodies out of their stocking. Playing with their cousins. You name it.

Another in-process-adoptive-parent stated their husband said that adoption and the whole process puts things in perspective this time of year. They said, what mattered 6 months prior and was earth-shattering, simply doesn't matter anymore. That's so true and definitely articulates my very thoughts this season. Jesus of course matters. But the presents, the food, the lights, you name it -- it all simply matters so much less when you're thinking about your baby spending this time of year confined to a crib with little attention and without a mama and baba to love and kiss on them.

So all I want for Christmas is our Baby Stump. That's totally not possible of course at this time, but my heart still yearns to hold them in my arms and to kiss their little forehead and cherubic cheek.

What I also want for Christmas is for *every* fatherless/motherless child to have a family to call their own. That they may not go one more day confined to a crib. That they won't go another minute crying for a need that will continuously go unmet. That they will have a full-and-satisfied-belly before they go to sleep. That they will have a mama to kiss them goodnight. That they will have toys to call their own to stimulate their senses. That they will have adequate medical care to meet their basic to more complex needs. My heart cries out for these children. And I know my heart will scream in pain more and more as we go through this process; as the needs of the mother and fatherless become more personal to our hearts.

So what are we going to do?

We'll give towards life-giving care to children that wait. We'll continue treading through the paperwork we have to finish up. We'll continue to pray. We'll also buy our Little Stump a small gift, wrap, and place it under the tree with the message: "Thinking of you this Christmas; praying we have you for the next." We'll save it for them to open when we're back home with them. Ms. Cosette has been aching to buy at least *one* thing for our Little Stump, and so I know she'll love to do this. Micah seemed excited at the idea as well. They already love their little bro (or sis). We'll also make a special ornament to hang this year that says, "We'll hold you in our hearts; until we can hold you in our arms."


And with all this said -- I know it's important to cherish this time with the kids and family we currently have. And in many ways, this time is so precious, as it's likely the last Christmas and last times together as a family of four before adding some crying, messes, and diaper changes into the mix. That will of course be an overwhelming joyful time, but I know I should be soaking in these last moments as a family of four. 

So since I can't have it all at the moment -- I'll settle with this for this season::: having our homestudy and i800a sent off to USCIS for approval. Steps forward getting us closer to our Little Stump. And I'll also sit back and cherish these moments with our little family this Christmas season. And, I'll try to stop obsessing over adoption stuff. At least attempt to stop. :-) The hub seems to think I've constantly got my mind in China, and that I should relax a bit more over-all. Easier said than done, but I'll try. :-D I should actually really try to relax, because I have a feeling this upcoming new year for the first several months might get a little crazy. Crazy in a nerve-wrecking-physically-emotionally-and-financially-exhausting-are-we-crazy type of good way.

For those of you adoptive-parents-in-waiting -- I'm praying for you. Those of you holding on to that priceless picture of that little munchkin that you wish so badly you had in your arms this Christmas. May peace cover your heart and mind, and I pray the rest of the process goes as smoothly and quickly as possible. More importantly -- for your precious children as they wait. May their every need be taken care of and that they feel your love through their Heavenly Father's warm embrace.

In closing this post...Merry Christmas to our Little Stump. Wherever in China you may be. Whoever you may be. We're praying for you. We're thinking of you. We'll hold you in our hearts this Christmas -- until we can hold you in our arms.

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