All I Want For Christmas...

All I want for Christmas is...

Can you guess?

Well, can ya?!

It's Dec. 7, and usually I have all my shopping done by now for Christmas. And well, I've bought just one gift so far, and that was just lastnight. And yes, it was China-related. (I found a Barbie in beautiful Chinese apparel that I know our 9 year old will love.) We're cutting our spending this year in half as well, which also brings a bit more of a shopping challenge.

So why am I slacking? Why am I just not feeling the Christmas spirit as much as I usually do?

While I'm taking in the true meaning of Christmas like I usually do, I just can't help but feel there's just something missing. And they happen to be half-a-world-away in China. And it just doesn't feel right spending Christmas without them. 

While I'm shopping for two kids, I feel as though I should be shopping for three.

I know this sounds weird. After-all, we don't know who our child is yet. When they were born. What they look like. What they sound like. But, all we know is this -- they're out there waiting in China for us, and we're waiting for them, and to think of them spending a Christmas without our love and care is painful. To think that they won't be getting kisses goodnight by mama and baba. They won't be waking up to present-opening on Christmas morning. Eating delicious Christmas cookies at our family gathering. Pulling little goodies out of their stocking. Playing with their cousins. You name it.

Another in-process-adoptive-parent stated their husband said that adoption and the whole process puts things in perspective this time of year. They said, what mattered 6 months prior and was earth-shattering, simply doesn't matter anymore. That's so true and definitely articulates my very thoughts this season. Jesus of course matters. But the presents, the food, the lights, you name it -- it all simply matters so much less when you're thinking about your baby spending this time of year confined to a crib with little attention and without a mama and baba to love and kiss on them.

So all I want for Christmas is our Baby Stump. That's totally not possible of course at this time, but my heart still yearns to hold them in my arms and to kiss their little forehead and cherubic cheek.

What I also want for Christmas is for *every* fatherless/motherless child to have a family to call their own. That they may not go one more day confined to a crib. That they won't go another minute crying for a need that will continuously go unmet. That they will have a full-and-satisfied-belly before they go to sleep. That they will have a mama to kiss them goodnight. That they will have toys to call their own to stimulate their senses. That they will have adequate medical care to meet their basic to more complex needs. My heart cries out for these children. And I know my heart will scream in pain more and more as we go through this process; as the needs of the mother and fatherless become more personal to our hearts.

So what are we going to do?

We'll give towards life-giving care to children that wait. We'll continue treading through the paperwork we have to finish up. We'll continue to pray. We'll also buy our Little Stump a small gift, wrap, and place it under the tree with the message: "Thinking of you this Christmas; praying we have you for the next." We'll save it for them to open when we're back home with them. Ms. Cosette has been aching to buy at least *one* thing for our Little Stump, and so I know she'll love to do this. Micah seemed excited at the idea as well. They already love their little bro (or sis). We'll also make a special ornament to hang this year that says, "We'll hold you in our hearts; until we can hold you in our arms."


And with all this said -- I know it's important to cherish this time with the kids and family we currently have. And in many ways, this time is so precious, as it's likely the last Christmas and last times together as a family of four before adding some crying, messes, and diaper changes into the mix. That will of course be an overwhelming joyful time, but I know I should be soaking in these last moments as a family of four. 

So since I can't have it all at the moment -- I'll settle with this for this season::: having our homestudy and i800a sent off to USCIS for approval. Steps forward getting us closer to our Little Stump. And I'll also sit back and cherish these moments with our little family this Christmas season. And, I'll try to stop obsessing over adoption stuff. At least attempt to stop. :-) The hub seems to think I've constantly got my mind in China, and that I should relax a bit more over-all. Easier said than done, but I'll try. :-D I should actually really try to relax, because I have a feeling this upcoming new year for the first several months might get a little crazy. Crazy in a nerve-wrecking-physically-emotionally-and-financially-exhausting-are-we-crazy type of good way.

For those of you adoptive-parents-in-waiting -- I'm praying for you. Those of you holding on to that priceless picture of that little munchkin that you wish so badly you had in your arms this Christmas. May peace cover your heart and mind, and I pray the rest of the process goes as smoothly and quickly as possible. More importantly -- for your precious children as they wait. May their every need be taken care of and that they feel your love through their Heavenly Father's warm embrace.

In closing this post...Merry Christmas to our Little Stump. Wherever in China you may be. Whoever you may be. We're praying for you. We're thinking of you. We'll hold you in our hearts this Christmas -- until we can hold you in our arms.

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As We Tread Our Unknown

When you sign up for adoption, you ultimately sign up for a child -- but to get your child, in the meantime you're signing up for seemingly insurmountable fees, mountain-loads of paperwork, piled-high research, home-study scrutiny, the unknown, fervent pray, and mustard-seed-like faith.

So it makes sense that at times in the middle of it all, even those with incredible faith will have feelings of being overwhelmed. I would almost say "worry" or "fear" but so far, God has granted us an incredible peace in this unknown territory we're beginning to tread.

As I stare at this medical needs chart, I can get undeniably a little overwhelmed. And let me tell you, I've been staring at this thing for months now -- and it hasn't gotten much easier. There are medical terms we've never heard prior to to this year. There are terms with a long-list of implications following every one. No matter how much you research a particular need, you feel you know so little about it in the grand scheme of things.

We have to turn in this daunting medical needs chart this Friday to our social worker and agency. I've looked at the medical needs chart as being the gateway to our child. This chart will be what opens an initial door to our child. The agency, when matching a child, first looks at which needs the child has, and which families are open to those specific needs (among other things taken into consideration of course). So in the end -- this medical needs chart is paramount to finding our child.

Billy went ahead and did a final review of the chart and mentally checked off the needs he'd be comfortable with (after researching). He then reviewed the chart I filled out to see if we were on the same page. Interestingly -- we were! That gave some extra peace in this decision-making.

As you fill this chart out, you're supposed to only check off needs you and your family will be "comfortable" with. Comfortable meaning:: comfortable with the amount of attention and care the need will take, comfortable with what's covered under your insurance policy, comfortable with further unknowns regarding the need; over-all, just comfortable in a number of ways. I've prayed over this chart for months. But even now, I look at this chart, and on one side of the coin I have this indescribable peace. Peace in the fact that my God is in control. He knows who our child is. He's got this! Peace in the fact that no matter what "need" our child has, they will still be our child and we'll simply do what it takes to care for them -- just as we'd do if Ms. Cosette or Micah had the same need.

On the flipside of the coin though, I have a sense of being overwhelmed -- after-all, Billy nor I have ever experienced any of these needs first-hand. Our current children are healthy. They've never even broken a bone! Shoot -- I've never even broken a bone. They've never had anything even remotely seriously health-related wrong. The worst? Their eyesight and vision. Lazy eye, far-sightedness, and one, a year of vision therapy. But that's it. Nothing else. Nada. And so -- when I read terms like, "anal atresia," "club foot," "extra fingers and/or toes," "limb difference" -- I admit, my brain is questioning "Can we do this?" But every time my brain begins to question, something inside says, "WE CAN do this. So many others have. Our God IS in control."

Ontop of all that, you feel as though you're saying no to a child every single time you leave a box unchecked. That's a tough pill to swallow.

We walked into this knowing we could cover the first phase's costs. Other people walk into adoption having to scrounge up money for just the application fee alone. Those stories are encouraging to me. I've lost count of the stories that display God's provision in adoption. Amazing stories. Believe me -- it's easy to look at these costs and be overwhelmed. Ontop of these costs -- we're left weighing out the unknowns after we bring them home. Out-of-pocket medical costs. Potential therapy costs that insurance may not cover. While we do feel a sense of "How are we going to do this?" We also have this indescribable-amazing-peace God has given us. No other way to explain it. In our feeble-human-minds, we would've easily walked away from beginning this process. We would've never signed up for this. But God stretched out His hand, asked us to follow, and so we've simply taken a hold of it -- and we're allowing Him to guide us through this. We could easily fall into "fearing the unknown," but we are putting our complete trust and faith in Him.

When you take big leaps of faith, far outside of your fleshly-comfort-zone, you'll understand faith and trust more than ever before. After-all, you're at your most vulnerable state. You're completely reliant and dependent on Him. Our faith and trust in Him is as strong as it's ever been. And while it's not about us, I'm thankful for this opportunity. I'm thankful God chose us to walk this path. Even when it takes us to the unknown. Takes us to the can-we-really-do-this. Takes us to frightening medical charts. Takes us to hard-and-heart-breaking-questions about birth-families. Takes us to the gut-wrenching-waiting. Takes us to how-will-we-pay-for-this. And takes us and brings us down to our knees on the floor by our beds in fervent-and-desperate prayer. I'm thankful. And I know we will be so-incredibly-thankful for that little boy or girl we'll be holding in our arms months and months from now.

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.  

By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did. By faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead.

By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death: “He could not be found, because God had taken him away.” For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God.  And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that is in keeping with faith.

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going." Hebrews 11:1-10

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"How Did You Decide to Adopt?"

"How did you decide you wanted to adopt?" "When did you decide you wanted to adopt?" "Did you feel called to adopt?" "Did you and Billy just mutually agree to?"

These are some of the questions we've received since letting others know about beginning our adoption process. I think some of these questions come from some who have actually considered or are considering adoption themselves. It's said that about 60% of all people at one point consider adoption, but only 1-3% of that 60% follow through at some point. 

While in the decision-making phase, I had trouble finding first-hand accounts on how people came to decide to adopt. I read books that asked the reader practical questions, but I was hoping to find more personal stories on how couples came to the decision.

So -- I figured I'd write a post on this, figuring maybe, just maybe, someone out there will be sparked with it if they've too been thinking about adoption, and just don't know how to discern whether or not it's a "calling" or something that's "right" for their family. Plus, maybe our family/friends can get an inside look at how we came to our decision. This post by the way, can only give you a piece of the picture -- just as any piece of literature does. There is a lot that goes into making such a big decision (I've pretty much condensed years, and hours upon hours of reading, considering, and praying all into one measly blog post).

First, no one but you, as a couple, knows whether or not adoption is right for your family. And with that said, life is all sorts of complicated (can I get an amen?), and I very well know how confusing knowing what's right for yourself and for your family can be. Even if it's just deciding where to go on vacation next year -- let. alone. adoption. It's a daunting task, and I believe that's why so many run from adoption after thinking about it.

Second, being led to adoption happens in different ways. Don't feel if this post doesn't resonate with you in any way that adoption isn't right for you. Also, don't jump the gun thinking it must be for you if certain parts resonate. It's just measly ol' me speaking here -- so take what you read with a grain of salt. :-)

Disclaimer:: I'm far from an authority on the issue of deciding to adopt. This is simply our story, one of many upon many others. I can only speak for ourselves. For instance, a couple who's struggled through years of infertility will have a different story to tell. There are many books/resources out there that share how others came to decide as well! On our family adoption blog, I have a page in the tab-bar of resources:(www.stumpfamilyadoption.blogspot.com)

Most simply, here's three main basic pillars when deciding to adopt that I've found (and basically made up -- ha!):: Convict(ion), Desire, and Consider(ation).

From Naïve-Conviction to Deeply-Embedded-Desire

I've always thought about adoption, even since I was a little girl. When thinking about it then, I didn't know much about it. I simply thought in my young-and-naïve little head that it was a good thing to open your heart to a child that needs a family. That was pretty much it. I also had dreams of opening and working in an orphanage in a third world country, so maybe God had been working on my heart for the fatherless as a young girl. I couldn't fathom not having a mom and dad since I had both and so it broke my heart to think of other children not having what I had.

I brought up adoption casually ever since Billy and I got married. Very casually. He was always open to the idea, that is, after having children of our own (and being in the right place to do so). For several years we were definitely not in a place to adopt. We had two young children to raise, financial stability to gain, and much more. Adoption, however, was still tucked away in a corner of my heart.

Side note:: If your husband/wife is not open to adoption -- simply pray. You cannot (at least shouldn't) convince them. They need to come to the decision on their own. You can help educate, but be careful not to persuade or manipulate them.

Over the past few years however, adoption would untuck itself from that corner and come closer and closer to the surface. I found myself yearning more and more. Those yearnings eventually grew to groanings. I found myself thinking about it more and more. And eventually, it felt as though small signs were being dropped consistently, making it nearly unbearable. It was as though my heart had a huge gaping hole that needed filled.

It's important to note that adoption wasn't dropped to us on a big-lit-up-sign with colorful letters with the voice of God telling us to adopt. Not at all. I think most Christians are looking for a calling or a sign just like that. I think most of us would agree life would be easier if God worked in that way, all the time. All I can say is that perhaps, He placed it as a seed in a young girl's heart and let it grow over time, and eventually that yearning infectiously passed on to that young girl's now-husband.

(Here's what I think about "callings." I think many Christians miss out on a lot when they only look for the big grandiose lit-up sign type callings. I think God is just asking His people to say a simple-immeasurable-faith-like-a-mustard-seed-YES. Can you defend it biblically? If yes, then go from there. Of course we should be careful not to answer yes to something that perhaps we shouldn't, but more often than not, we are *too* fearful. And I believe too often than not, we quickly say no, make up some excuse, and even claim God "shut the door." We can make a habit of shutting doors ourselves, and claiming God shut them (ouch!). Imagine a world where Christians died to self more often, and lived a life of sacrifice, and began saying "yes" to various things they felt they ought to do, but for numerous reasons don't. (I know I've missed out on many opportunities myself by answering a fearful or self-centered "no" a many countless times. I still have a ways to go -- that's for sure.)

Over the past year, adoption overwhelmed every ounce of my being. Call it coincidences or "all in my head," but I'd turn on the TV, and adoption would be the topic. I'd see something in the mail: adoption. I'd see a little boy or girl: adoption. I'd listen to a song: adoption. I'd dream: adoption. I'd open a book: adoption. Reading God's Word: adoption. It was as though adoption was being spelled out infront of me, constantly. Even if I wanted to run away from it -- it'd come looking for me. And there were parts of me that felt like running away -- my most inner-fleshly-self would whisper sweet-nothings in my ear about having a good life with just two kids, a decent home, a nice vacation every year, and much more. But -- that fleshly-self was squashed time and time again and I found myself overwhelmed with this desire. It was no longer a conviction that a once-little-girl felt. It had grown into a desire. A need. A want. A child somewhere, at some point in time needed us. And I needed them.

I knew Billy was over-all open to adoption -- just eventually. I just wasn't sure if he'd be open to it soon. We talked about our future plans for kids, and I shared my desires. I was careful to craft my words as to not manipulate/or to try and convince. After we talked, it was as though it was an instant mutual agreement that we'd adopt, and adopt hopefully soon. Billy was fully on board, and now that yearning was blazing in his heart like it was mine. You bet my heart felt as though 1,000 little pink fuzzy bunnies were hopping from cloud to cloud. We both now had the desire. The need. The want. One night while talking he said, "I just want them in my arms. As soon as possible."

Talking with others and speaking for ourselves, I can say many would agree that adoption first starts as a simple-naïve conviction, like it did for me as a little girl -- and maybe a poorly thought out theory, but I believe the 60% of people who have considered adoption fall into the "simple conviction" area or phase. It's simply something many people know is a good thing to do. Charity I dare to say. A good deed. This though isn't enough to decide to adopt. Not. At. All. In fact, if you're only thinking of adopting out of a "conviction" to do so, it's good to say that you should seek other forms of charitable giving instead. Help fund an adoption. Give money to help give life-saving surgeries to orphans. Mentor fatherless youth. Sponsor a child. Volunteer on a missions trip that helps serve in an orphanage. There are various ways to help.

Like I mentioned before, that simple-naïve-conviction to adopt slowly grows steadily into something far more. It grows into a desire. A need. A want. Conviction thrown aside, you simply want a child. You yearn for a child. You need a child. You figure if there's a child somewhere that needs a mommy, daddy, and family, and you need them -- why then wouldn't you adopt?

Consider:: Are We Really Ready?

After that simple-naïve-conviction grows into a deeply-embedded desire, you begin examining the practical side of adoption -- and you have to really consider many aspects to decipher whether or not your family is ready to adopt. Among many questions you need to ask yourself and your family -- some of these are ::: Can we financially afford another child? Is our house ready for another child? Are we emotionally ready for all that entails in adopting a child? Are my other kids (if you have any) open to adoption? Are they ready? Do we meet all of the eligibility requirements of adoption? Is our marriage strong and healthy enough? Do we understand the grief and loss our adopted child will have experienced and will experience throughout his/her life? Do we understand the financial cost/fees involved? If adopting medical/special needs, do we have good health insurance? Possible weekly therapist appointments? Are we ready for the loads of paperwork and over-all scrutiny that comes with the adoption process? Do we have the time to spend with our child (they will need all the time you can give them in the coming months home with them)? Are we ready to handle potential undiagnosed needs now or later (even if adopting a "healthy" child)? Are we ready to deal with the grief and loss that our adopted child will experience throughout his/her life? Lack of sleep? Are we ready to deal with the tough questions regarding their adoption story throughout their life? Are we ready to chase a toddler around again? Are we ready (if adopting transracially) for racism possibly directed at our child? Are we ready (if adopting transracially) to be thrown in the spotlight in public, and to be asked uncomfortable/inappropriate questions? These are just *some* questions we've had to really consider, and there are numerous resources that can help you decide whether adoption is right for you.

So, what do you do at this point if you answered yes to most of the questions and many more above, and you *really* have a deeply-embedded desire for adoption? From here you need to pray like you've never prayed before. Read like you've never read before. And learn like you've never learned before. Check out library books -- not just the fluffy ones, but ones that cover the *real* issues concerning adoption. Follow adoption blogs. Talk with any adoptive families you may know -- if you don't know any, there are *numerous* adoptive families online that are happy to share with you (it's their desire to see and help other families adopt).  I've reached out to bloggers earlier on in our decision-making, and they were happy to correspond with me, even though I was a total stranger. Use this period to learn as much about adoption as you can. You can then decide which type of adoption is right for you and your family, which agency to use, which homestudy agency to use, and more.

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Adopting for the wrong reason (relating back to adopting simply out of a conviction)::: the other day I saw a depressing comment from a grown up adoptee. My heart hurt over this. She was clearly hurt and bitter. It's important to state that I absolutely don't know the intricate details of her story. But she basically said, "Can we call evangelicals adopting for what it is? Baby selling." She went on to mention that her adoptive parents basically only adopted because it was "the right thing to do" and for reasons to "evangelize."

No doubt that this has happened in the past. And for this reason now -- Christians advocating for adoption are *very* careful concerning this issue, for this very reason. There have been grave mistakes made in the past regarding this very issue -- but over-time it's become apparent the more knowledgeable we've become, the more we know, the more people are adopting for the right reasons. Of *all* the adoption stories I follow and read, families we talk to, even current processing ones -- it's clear that nearly all or a huge majority of Christians adopting are in it for the right reasoning -- they are not in it to simply "save" children. For the most part, they simply wanted and desired more children and decided to do so through adoption (which is the first and best reason to adopt).

With all that said however, I've seen some go so far as to ignore the basic reality of adoption, which is (undeniably) the fundamental fact that there are children here and around the world that are in a desperate need of a family, a home, basic needs, and for many, life-saving medical care. Some will be on the streets eventually, sold into sex slavery, some will die at a very young age --- this is the grave reality behind waiting children, and one we cannot trade in for political-correctness when speaking about adoption.

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Prioritizing People

It's sad to realize that your current and past dog has received more love and attention than many children receive. Around-the-clock TLC, three meals a day, treats, several toys, medical care, and more.

When Bowser passed away -- I began thinking a lot about how or why in the world I was grieving so badly over a dog. And so I learned quickly that the love for an animal can be incredibly strong. And in some ways, too strong. I'm a firm believer in tending to and caring for animals -- after-all, they're the handiworks of our Creator. What I've realized through my own mourning over Bowser and observing all around me though -- is that our affection toward animals can get in the way of prioritizing the people around us. Perhaps we don't have a problem prioritizing our families, but the stranger at the cash register. The orphan needing sponsorship in order to go to school. The neighbor going through cancer and doesn't know how they'll pay the next month's mortgage. While we should take care of and respect animals -- they're not people.

The average dog owner, according to one stat, will spend *at least* over 4,000.00 on their dog over a 14-year span; 12,000.00 more realistically, and some people spend upwards to 40,000.00 on their dog during the 14 year span. That sounds unbelievable, but if you've paid attention -- the pet aisles in stores have changed, and we even have a "dog bakery" up the road from us with fancy-intricately-decorated treats that even make *my* mouth water (and yes -- they cost as much or more than "human" treats); not to mention those expensive dog boutiques you can usually find in the mall or downtown city areas. And I would say the 4,000.00 for 14 years is an extremely conservatively low number. One hefty-emergency or surgery-related vet-bill can easily hit that number. 

So, how much is even 4,000.00 worth? That's enough to build a school in some areas of Africa. 4,000 can provide a life-saving surgery for an orphan in Uganda or China. Or *two* life-changing surgeries. 4,000 can provide a 1/3 of the funds for a water-well for an entire thirsting Sudan community. And it's enough to provide food for a family in a war-and-poverty-stricken-country for a long-long time.

The Humane Society collected $509,000,000 in two years. 509 million buckaroos. There are approximately 146 million orphans worldwide. 101k children are waiting to find their forever families in the US foster system. Many of those -- due to poverty and lacking a number of resources and familial structure and support will end up in prison, prostitution, you name it -- after they leave the foster system. I'll say it again, 5-0-9-million-dollars-goes-towards-animals-in-two-years. Think about it -- if even one million was spent on each and every orphan around the world, including foster kids, there'd still be half of that 509 million left. Let that sink in. Don't get me wrong -- Humane Society certainly has a place. But a 509-million-in-two-years place? When you really begin to compare the people-suffering all around us, I'm just not sure.

While I love and respect dogs or other pets and believe they deserve TLC -- even a million dogs can't equate the value of just *one* tiny-beautiful-intelligently-designed-unborn baby. A million dogs does not equate the value of *any* person -- no matter the size, age, color, or background. 509 million? That doesn't even come close to covering the value of any one person. I think, even for non-pet-lovers, that's hard to wrap our heads around, even though we know it's truth.

While it's common truth -- it still pains to know that while all these dogs are receiving incredible love and care, so many children here and abroad are receiving anything but. I'll continue giving our lil rascal the care he needs -- but with that said, I need to keep my head on straight, and keep people prioritized. If I'm investing a lot more time and money into my dog versus the people around me, then I've got to rethink my priorities.

After-all, Jesus was more a people-person, not as much a dog-person.

I've never been so much a "people person." Sure, I love people. But it's not in my nature to *love* going to big gatherings and getting to know tons of people, for example. I'm a bit more introverted. And so for me, it'd totally be easy to be someone who stays home with her dog and family and push out all other cares of the world outside my four walls. I've recently truly internalized the fact that God was a people person though. After-all, He sent His only son to die for *people.* Jesus? Certainly a people person. He went out of his way to tend to *people,* and ultimately, sacrificed His own life for *people.* So -- most simply put, I want to see people through my Heavenly Father's eyes. I want to see their incredible worth. I mourned so much over Bowser in comparison to even other people I've known's deaths. You read that right, unfortunately. I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit that -- and that's what hit me hard -- realizing that our priorities with animals can be a bit messed up. 509-million-in-two-years messed up.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

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Our Dream VS. God's Dream

If you're like me, you've heard all about "the great American Dream" growing up. The great job, the big house, picket-white fence, poofy-cute-dog playing in the yard, two kids, nice cars, dream careers, nice clothes, beauty, popularity, private-education, and much more. More specifically, we've been taught to reach for the stars -- to strive to live *our* own personal dream -- to be a well known singer, artist, speaker, politician, world renown this-or-that. To do whatever it takes to make us happy. To "live it up" -- after-all we've been told, "we only live once." Attaining dreams like this is the epitome of the "good life" in this rich, blessed, piece of land we call the U.S. of A. 

I currently live in an area where many are, at least from the outside looking in, living this very dream. 

Our neighborhood isn't a rich neighborhood, but I'll venture on a limb to say that we live in a neighborhood where most of us live comfortably. Many of us have around two kids, decent jobs, etc. Up the road from us though, we have $650k dollar homes up to 3 million dollar homes. These people certainly are "living the American Dream." These homes are 7k+ square feet. One has its own football field. Some have multiple RV garages (plus the regular car garages). One that was for sale recently (not even two minutes away from us) was for sale for around 6 million dollars -- its guest house is as big and nicer than our house.

We have a tendency, no matter how seasoned in our walks with Christ we are, to look at all these "American Dreams" and automatically think, how incredibly "blessed" these people are. Ya know, they must be doing "something right" for God to bless them to that degree. We're also constantly bombarded with getting "the bigger and better" -- be it by ads, billboards, commercials, by seeing others' Facebook posts, you name it. And some churches preach the more we give, the more God will bless us in our finances and even material possessions (stop going to that church if you attend one).  So, when we see people have and lead glamorous lifestyles (especially other Christians), we think God must have something to do with it, right? We think since all good comes from God -- He must have something to do with the *stuff* people are "blessed" with. And surely, He smiles when His children attain such things? Now, before you claim you really don't think that way -- I guarantee your thinking (like mine) has been tainted to *some* degree on this. If you live in America -- no matter where you live, how you live, how you've been brought up, your thinking on this has been messed with.

Is this "American Dream," what God's Dream for our lives looks like though? Did He call us to live in the biggest and nicest house possible, live comfortably with our nice cars, and two kids -- to "live it up" -- to make a name for ourselves? I think every Christian would say a resounding "NO!" but have we really internalized that?

I remember several times thinking over the past several years and now (when I'd feel the most at ease and comfortable in our lives), "Is this type of life the life God really wants us to live?" I think God began stirring me in a way that I knew we were and are missing a big piece of our lives that we were/are to be doing. I didn't know what though, and I still don't. I just knew that true discipleship would call us out of our comfort zone, comfortable life, and lead us somewhere that would shake up our little lives. I still constantly and will continue to ponder if we're really living up to His standards and desires over our lives.

((For the record, I believe some of our "dreams" can be used for God's glory -- that is, if we allow them to. But for the most part, when trying to reach our "dreams," we tend to put God's aside or nowhere at all. With that said though, God's Dream for our lives should be sought first, not second or last. Certainly speaking to myself here, as I know I've been guilty of seeking after my own wants rather than His.))

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12)

Let's stop and examine Paul's words in the above scripture. He emphasized offering ourselves as holy and pleasing living *sacrifices* as true and proper worship; to not conform to the pattern of this world; to be transformed by renewing our minds -- and only then, will we be able to *test* and *approve* what God's pleasing and *perfect* will is for our lives. This is far from how most view God's will. Some of us think that whatever happens is God's will. We also think it's something that's easily discernible -- that it takes little work on our part. From this scripture alone though, Paul shows us that it's something far more. IT's something we can only find when we're truly and sacrificially obedient to God. When we give up what we want, and surrender to what He wants -- no matter how undesirable it is to our fleshly-beings. Living. Sacrifices. Big words, right? After hearing these words all my life -- I'm still trying to digest them.

---“What does it mean to be a living sacrifice?” asked a woman to her pastor.
Holding out a blank sheet of paper, the pastor replied, “It is to sign your name at the bottom of this blank sheet, and let God fill it in as He wills.”---

 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:19-21)

The American (or our own) dream wants us to store up treasures on earth. A big house. Nice cars. Yearly trips to Disney World. Nice things. It wants us to live "it up" and retire early. But streamed throughout scripture are words that go against every ounce of this type of "dream." God's Dream doesn't seem to consist of earthly treasures and things. We're to "store up treasures in heaven." What treasures lay in Heaven? Nothing tangible here on earth for sure -- which rules out our big houses. Nice cars. Career. Popularity. Nice brand name clothes. Nice jobs. Nice things. It rules all of that out. This is in part why I believe as Christians, our retirement is laid up in Heaven -- not on earth. Our work isn't done until we go "home."

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction." (1 Timothy 6:6-9)

Look closely in the above verse -- "who desire to be rich..." 

"And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. “Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. “Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh." (Luke  26:20)

Blessed are the meek. Blessed are the hungry. Blessed are the poor. Blessed are the weeping. Basically, blessed are the suffering. The needy.

Isn't it funny then, how we proclaim how "blessed" we are. We're blessed with our beautiful kids. Awesome spouses. Great house. Great cars. But these scriptures beg us to contemplate if, indeed, these are true blessings. The real deal. Don't get me wrong -- we should be *very* thankful for what we have. At least 75% of my prayer time is spent in thankfulness. But -- are we truly blessed according to biblical definition? Or are we fooling ourselves? Is a life of true living sacrifice also one with endless earthly treasure? Or are these two things like oil and water? Do they not mix? Can our earthly blessings be distractions away from what's most important?

When we examine the lives of many great men and women of the Bible, the apostles and the many more, we gain a unique (and quite intense) perspective on what living sacrifices really look like. And its all far from "the American Dream." Now, of course, in Bible times people couldn't live out the American Dream and whatnot, but even for *their* time, they weren't living an "earthly dream," period. They gave up their lives to follow Christ -- most gave up earthly treasures to follow Him -- they gave their all -- they went to uncomfortable/dangerous places to preach God's Word -- others were killed or almost killed honoring their dear Savior.

Does this mean we need to go seeking out physical persecution or discomfort to feel as though we're living sacrifices? Of course not. But for me, I just examine my life, our family's life, and others around us, and ponder if we're all *really getting it.* I'm sure you have too. I know I've gotten it wrong, despite genuinely trying to get it right. I yearn to get it right though. I yearn to please our Lord and Savior, whom I owe my all to. He paid the ultimate price though He was spotless and perfect. Yet, we find it hard to sacrifice eating out once a month to sponsor a child for just $30 a month. 

So I have to ask myself, am I really willing to go in the trenches for Christ? Am I willing to experience the lowest of lows? If it came down to it -- to sacrifice everything we have. Our comfortable possessions. Everything. Are we willing? I can't honestly answer that in the way I would like.

A missionary's wife was in our Bible study one week. She began opening up to our class. They're missionaries to a hostile Muslim country. When they were contemplating bringing children into this world, she admitted she was hesitant. After-all, how could she bring little ones into missionary living -- in a place where Christians are despised and hated? How could she? But she and her husband did as they felt it was God's desire over their lives, so they began having children. Their kids now go to school where they are and get rocks thrown at them and get called "stupid dog." Would you or I be willing to do that? I think of Abraham and Isaac when I hear stories like this. People like this incredible woman would get that story more than the rest of us. And most of us admit that the story of Abraham and Isaac is possibly one of the hardest to "get" in God's Word. Abraham was truly a living sacrifice, the real deal, and was literally willing to give his all -- even his own son, as God did His.

I'd like to toss the world's version of "dream" out the window, and begin seeking and living out God's Dream for my life. But first I've got to gain some perspective of what His dream may look like for me. One thing is for sure, His Dream is far from what our fleshly-desires want. It's far from what the world's version looks like. 

World's Dream -- enticing to our fleshly-desires. It conforms and shapes to the definition of success and patterns of this world. Looks big and glamorous. Easy. Without strife. Without hardship. Full of money. Pleasures. Full of material possessions. Full of earthly treasures.

"For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want." (Galatons 5:17)

God's Dream -- calls us out of our fleshly-desirable-comfort zones and into the uncomfortable. It has us sacrificing earthly possessions. It leads us into the low valleys. The storms. Calls us to repentance. Brokenness. Forgiveness. Servanthood. Love. Humility. Meekness. Witness. To true worship. Ultimately to be living sacrifices; leading lives to please, honor, glorify, and exemplify the ways of our Lord.

We have a long ways to go -- speaking for myself and my family. I want to lead a life that's pleasing to God. I yearn to be a living sacrifice for Him. To toss out what perceptions I have on living "my" dream, and to set my eyes on what He has in store for myself and my family. His ultimate dream for me, no matter how messy and sacrificial it may look. But boy -- do I/we have a long, long, long ways to go. A. Long. Ways.

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A Whole Lotta News to End the Summer

What a summer! Everything from celebrations to tragedy and loss. We'll mark this down as one the more memorable years of our lives.

Weeks ago, we went ahead and picked up a new member of the family, currently known as "Oscar" (yes -- having troubles deciding...er..agreeing on a name). :-) And the night we called about "Oscar," we submitted our application to adopt! You heard..er..read that right! It was a sweet night -- I was able to meet the hub at his hotel where he was staying for work in Ohio. So the two of us went to our favorite date-night restaurant, and right before walking in, we called about Oscar and scheduled to get him that following Saturday. We then sat down for dinner and talked about our adoption plans. Afterward, we went back to the hotel and worked on our application together and submitted it! We had planned that exact day for months prior. This is only the beginning of a lifelong journey -- that's for sure. And it was a night to remember. Simply unforgettable.

If you remember, we lost our sweet Bowser boy on my 30th birthday while visiting family in Ohio. It was hard. It just felt so bizarre and seemed completely out of place. Prior to him passing, it was the best birthday from morning 'til that evening for various reasons. I was able to spend the day with my family, and it took on an extra special meaning to me -- I was turning 30 -- I mean, 30! 30 which equals the fact that I'd be officially eligible (age-wise) to adopt from China (I'd just need to wait for the hub to catch up a bit ;-)! In my mind, it just put me that little bit closer to our future lil boy/girl. So basically, I went from Cloud 9 to below 0 just like that. Those first few days were awful. But a light began shining through the dark again the night I met Billy for the evening and we called about Oscar, and then submitted our adoption application. I was finally starting to drag myself from below 0 and up again.

**So, that is the secret I've been withholding for a *while* now. We'll be adopting from China a year or more from now from the Waiting Child program. You can read more about our adoption journey at our other blog at www.StumpFamilyAdoption.blogpost.com. Naturally, we've been wanting to shout that from the rooftops -- and apparently the hub has been just as excited seeing he was the first of us to begin telling people. :-)

So -- over a week ago we got back from Ohio. We've been trying to finish up homestudy adoption paperwork, adjust back home with our new pup who turns 12 weeks old this week, and prepare to start homeschool next week. :-) The pup is doing pretty well over-all! Perhaps needing a little more training in different areas though. And holy moly, is he *all* boy for sure. Whew. Like most puppies I'm sure, he's stubborn as I'll get out, sweet as a snuggle-bug, and a bit more independent at times (as we speak -- I'm watching him play outside in the grass from my patio doors).

This upcoming school year the kids will still do Bible and history/social studies together. They'll be thoroughly studying the book of James and even memorizing either all or a lot of it. Micah will be doing Apologia General Science and Ms. Cosette will be doing animal and botany science which she's totally stoked about. We're prepared for General Science to be a bit daunting for the first month or so -- from what we hear, it's a challenging curriculum for 7th grade. Micah is happy to be "on his own again" in science -- as we had to move at a slower pace last year for his sister. Our goal this year is to have him work on most of his stuff totally independently. He'll have a daily schedule/planner to work through daily -- and of course he can still come to me with questions or help on certain things. With that said though, I'm seeing his 7th and 8th grade years as the time to instill more discipline and independency in his work in order to prepare him for HS.

We're pretty excited to finally be getting into American history this year! We're studying exploration times to 1850. We use a multi-cycled curriculum that follows different history cycles -- Creation to Greek history, then history of Rome through the Reformation, and now Exploration to 1850. We love how the cycles are set up, and I love how the kids are actually learning world history! I didn't get any world history until nearly high school -- and even then, it was pretty weak.

I'm on the hunt currently (as late as it is) for a good Chinese (language) program. I'm just not sure if Rosetta Stone would be a good fit for the kids. If you know of one, please let me know!

It's just been a lil crazier around here with the new pup, paperwork and all, so I've honestly done very little in shopping for school supplies. We have a lot left from last year that are still good -- so for the most part, we are good. I mostly need to go shopping for science experiment supplies, and go through the book list. And school clothes? Well, that's a perk to homeschooling -- I haven't even thought about that one! Every year we try to let the kids get new shoes and a couple new outfits but other than that, we don't have to stress on that one -- which is nice, because with adoption expenses, it's one less thing to worry about (although homeschool curriculum isn't cheap -- we spend over $800 on that which doesn't include supplies and extras).

When you begin the adoption process (even pre-adoption/decision making) -- you eat and breathe adoption. I'm glad I've done a good bit of reading thus far -- over 6 books and countless articles and blogs. I say that because I currently don't feel the urge to constantly have my nose in adoption books like I did over the summer. I'm still reading (of course), but it doesn't consume me like it did when we first decided we'd be adopting. With that said though, we have 12 hours of adoptive-parenting coursework to go through here soon for our homestudy. My goal for this upcoming school year is ensuring adoption is not *all* I think about, seeing I need to stay focused in order to manage our homeschooling throughout the year. Of course it'll definitely be one of the absolute top things I think about.  I've read from other adoptive moms that they wish they would have focused more on their family prior to finalizing the adoption. It's easy to get caught up in the paperwork, reading on attachment, you name it -- so much so, you miss out on so much time with your kids and husband before adding a new addition to the family -- which just like a newborn (no matter how old they are when you adopt them), and will require much of your time and attention. So I'm trying to keep the mindset that t's important to soak it all in while you can however possible in the midst of the mountain high adoption paperwork and just dreaming of holding that little one in your arms one day.

So there you have it! New pup, homeschooling, traveling, fingerprinting, homestudy, interviewing, installing cabinet locks, buying fire extinguishers, dr. appointments, researching medical needs, blood-work, notarizing documents, adoptive-parent training, passports, visas, and more -- and you've got a good look at our upcoming year! It's hard to even comprehend how this next year to year and a half will go. We can only dream and imagine it all. Sometimes I look at our dining table with the two empty chairs and imagine our little babe sitting there grinning with lasagna sauce all over their mouth. Or while I'm out in the backyard, I imagine the kids holding their little hand and smelling the fresh basil from their garden. Wherever we are or go, it's as if a little person is missing from the picture. A year or year and a half will blow by I'm sure -- but it feels centuries away until we can finally have them safe and sound in our arms.

So that's it. A quick look at some of our summer and upcoming year.

And I guess it's only appropriate to end the this post with a quick introduction of the new lil Stump::

 8 weeks

 

 

11 weeks old

 11 weeks old

 8 weeks

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To Find What's Hiding in the Corners

"Real joy isn't always found in the obvious places...instead it hides in corners, waiting to be discovered when we sacrifice our desires for God's desires." ~ T.Davis

If you're like me, you've asked yourself more than a million times, "God, what do you want me to do?" We ask that question when we're making both small and big decisions, we ask that question in trying to find the "main calling" for our lives, and we ask that question most likely a handful of times every day. I think what we're deep-down searching for is a true joy in pleasing the Lord. Most often than not though, we end up finding pieces of joy that are more pleasing to ourselves. Unfortunately, these joys (the kinds that please ourselves) are the easiest ones to find. They're advertised on big lit-up signs. They're bright, colorful, and typically stand out in the open. And they distract us from finding the stuff God is trying to lead us to. The true joy, the type that is embedded in God's desires, are hidden in the corners. They're harder to find. They take a lot of work, sometimes sacrifice, and patience. And honestly, they're uncomfortable and daunting to even consider picking up at first. We either don't seek to find them, or for some of us, after we've found them -- we let our fear or stubbornness pass them up. They're quite frankly not appealing to any fiber of our fleshly-desires.

The past year has moved at a fairly slower pace for us. We've done the basics, took a vacation at the beginning of the year, some field trips, schoolwork, cheerleading and basketball, but as a whole -- life moved slower. It's quite honestly been one of the best years we've had for different reasons -- and I believe I can attribute it to just living life without all the busy distractions and extras we (and so many) can easily get caught up in.

And so it seems with the slowing down I've been able to hear God a bit more and a little more clearly on numerous things...

I think taking it easy has allowed me to really engage in prayer and meditation on God's Word,  reflection on myself and numerous heart-checks, and over-all searching for His voice. Too often than not, we're just too busy with our own priorities and schedules to really hear Him. And that's a shame. In ways it leads us to disobedience even though we have no clue we're being disobedient -- we've just got busy lives to live, right?

I picture one big overly-scheduled calendar, us on one side, and God on the other.

And I've found when I'm too busy doing "my own thing" it's tough knowing what God would rather have me or my family do. And let's face it -- there are many things He'd rather us be doing different times in all brutal honesty.

So not only taking it easy and just breathing has been good for us as a family, but it has allowed me to grow more spiritually in general. Previously, I had a house to worry about selling, moving, my own schoolwork at one point, kids schoolwork, and everything else poured on-top to "worry about" -- leaving little room to really consider God's true desire over our lives. It's easy to consider our fleshly desires -- but it's tougher to gear our attention toward God's desires since they're far from what our flesh's wants look like.

Sometimes friends, just breathing and taking it easy can be a good thing despite what the busy distracting world around us wants us to think. It's as though those around us want to feel guilty if we don't have our kids in every single activity they can be a part of, or when we are actually sitting at the dining table every night for dinner. And so we all too often get caught up in earthly measures and not the eternal -- so much so we become earthly minded without even knowing it.

I've been dwelling on this scripture quite a bit:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." -- Isaiah 55:8-9

I also think of when Jesus foretold his death to His disciples and how Peter responded, pleading for Jesus not to go, and how Jesus responded: "You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, ... You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God's."

It's easy to see how impossible it is to be completely in sync with the mind of God then. But we've got to work on getting closer than we are to what He'd have in store for us in general. I mean, Jesus said this to one of His close *disciples.* If His disciples didn't quite have eternal minds -- we're surely downright earthly-minded. But I want to (at least) strive to get closer to having the concerns of God in mind more than simple human concerns. Would you agree? And let's face it -- most of the things we think and do are things that are more earthly-centered, instead of eternal.

I think most of us desire to be living sacrifices unto the Lord. Then again, sometimes I doubt we can really grasp what being a living sacrifice really means -- especially in the times we're living in. We desire to be used by God in any way possible -- truth of the matter is, most of us are all talk and no walk. I think what can draw us closer to these goals is to question most of our motives and actions and ask, "Can this be measured by earthly -or- eternal standards?" What is driving us to do something in particular? Is it something we can defend biblically? Now this is when it all gets fuzzy. Us homeschool parents can be quick to quote scripture to defend homeschooling, education, spending all our time with our kids, you name it. And I believe whole-heartedly God honors our family-driven schedules. We *have* to educate our kids if we homeschool (that's a given) - but what we choose to do outside of schoolwork hours (the required stuff) is when we can ask if it benefits our earthly desires, or God's? I just don't think God's too heartbroken when a family says it's time to give up dance lessons in order to save up for a missions trip. Perhaps I'm wrong on that one -- you tell me. So when we get really, I mean really, serious about living for God is when I think we'll start doing more out-of-the-box stuff that the World, for the most part, doesn't understand. When I think of great men and women of the Bible, they all had something in common - they sacrificed it all for our dear Savior, and they certainly did "out-of-the-box" stuff in the process that very much so separated them from the World. I think this is another way we can examine and see how our lives are measuring up either in an earthly or eternal manner. 

My prayer, as I have a loooooong ways to go, is that God continues to implant more eternally-minded things upon my heart. I've got to be willing to find these things that could be hidden or tucked away in the corners of my heart though. Sometimes that's tough -- sometimes in the process of searching we'll see what appears to be brighter and neater looking stuff to focus on. Unfortunately, these more earthly things happen to be the easiest to find -- typically wide out in the open. They're appealing and pleasing to our eyes. The stuff tucked away in the corners - the stuff God is trying to lead us to are not only harder to find at times, but can also be far from our picture of "ideal;" they may look uncomfortable or tough at first and so we pass them up or don't even seek them out -- and in the end we miss out on God's perfect will over our lives and what He really has in store. 

"Real joy isn't always found in the obvious places...instead it hides in corners, waiting to be discovered when we sacrifice our desires for God's desires." ~ T.D.

What's God been implanting on your heart lately? Have you taken the time from your busy schedule to really hear Him?

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