A Special Kind of Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful loving, sacrificial, hearts-of-gold dads out there!

Father's Day takes on quite a bit of meaning for me. I've been incredibly blessed with an awesome dad myself, and two fathers-in-law to boot. I've written a big Father's Day note on my Facebook about my dads earlier, so I figured I'd save my blog to share with you the meaning of Father's Day to me, when it comes to my husband.

Why does Father's Day take on such a special meaning with my husband? I had my son Micah, before Billy and I began dating. Micah was about 1 1/2 years old when he met him - a little tike still. Sometimes I take for granted what it's meant for Billy to come in our lives.

You see, Billy was just a normal guy (er kid) right out of high school beginning his first year of college, playing on the college's baseball team. He had friends. He had college. He had baseball. He had no children of his own, and I'm sure he had quite a few plans. The last thing on his mind I'm sure was marriage. :-) 

Then I came along. We began hanging out - as friends. We hit it off immediately. The first night we went out "as friends" our cheeks were hurting so badly from laughing and smiling so much. It's really odd looking back, because we really didn't have much in common - quite honestly. Our personalities meshed incredibly well though. There was something genuine about Billy - which is funny, because looking back in high school (we attended together), I remember sitting on a hill during a field day with my good friend - seeing Billy play baseball down below and casually saying, "That Billy Stump guy has always seemed nice. And cute." We didn't talk through our middle or high school years, though he claims he had a small crush on me and I made that small comment on that little hill that day.

So what in the world convinces a guy starting college to even contemplate seeing a girl who has a 1 1/2 year old kid? I'm not totally sure, honestly. I'm guessing he thought I was cute and nice - but other than that, I've got nothin'. :-) And you bet I immediately put myself in his parents' and friends' shoes. I know I'd be questioning my son if he began seeing a girl with a kid - especially in that stage of his life.

Billy was taking a writing class that first year in school and had a writing project. He chose to write all about me and Micah - and he had to read it infront of his class. I guess the girls in the class melted when he read it. He sent me the paper. And I immediately saw why they melted. It was incredibly sweet, and I'm sure very rare for a college freshman guy to write about. He wrote detail after detail about our very fresh relationship - but what grabbed my attention the most was how much he wrote about Micah. Writing that he fell in love with his smile as much as he fell in love with mine. Ever since meeting Micah - there was a instant connection between the two. Micah sweetly called him "BB." Billy seemed to love any time he got to be with Micah, and really - when we were with Billy, I'd forget that he wasn't Micah's dad. It felt pretty natural - oddly so. Their connection was so endearing that it worried me really - as I'm sure any single young mom can relate - I mean, what if it ultimately didn't work out? How much would Micah's heart break? Those are some fine lines to walk when you're in those shoes.

I've been told time and time again, that Billy and Micah look like eachother. Act like eachother. And if you see them together and watch them, like nearly everyone tells me, you would never know they didn't possess the same type of DNA. Billy has *never* given me a reason to believe he loves our little girl (whom we've had together) more than Micah. Not once. So much so, it's very odd for me to tell people that Billy's his stepdad. I think it's odd for Micah also. Billy after-all, is just his dad. And, Micah doesn't know life without Billy, since he's had him in his life since he was one.

Father's Day you see, is very much intertwined in our wedding anniversary. When it comes to Billy - there isn't one without the other. Our marriage day wasn't just a commitment between us two, but a commitment between us, and a lil guy named Micah. From that day forward, we knew, Micah would definitely stop calling him "BB" and begin calling him "Daddy." And, as you can guess, he naturally did - without problem. Though I admit, him saying BB was awfully cute.

I don't know if you've noticed, but it seems like a lot of men have natural hearts geared towards adoption. Adoptive hearts of gold, really. Some women of course too - but this just rings extra true with many men. I guess we just take it for granted with women, since we assume most have a natural motherly instinct instilled in them. But take Joseph - he may be the ultimate example of a father figure who naturally takes on the heart of adoption with Jesus. I mean, the man was told his woman was carrying a child that wasn't of his DNA - talk about a tough pill to swallow. If *any* man had a "right" to walk away, it was Joseph. But he didn't. He had a heart for adoption, and I'm so glad he did.

And so, when I think of Billy - I don't just see a guy who fell in love with a girl, I think of a young guy - who had everything going for him - everything to dream of - who fell in love with a young girl, *and* her young son. He, my husband, has a heart of gold - a heart for adoption. A sweet blessedly adoptive heart.

It's certainly a big feat to fall in love with a girl who has a child - but a bigger one to stay committed, which many guys fail to do. Billy and I married over nine years ago, and ever since - I can't begin to tell you how incredibly faithful he's been to us. Before we married, he had planned out finances (even writing up excel spreadsheets) - he was committed to his job, and committed to school. I'd wake up around 4:30 am with him, lay his clothes out, make him breakfast, and see him off for the day - typically not seeing him until late at night again after a full day of work and school. He was committed to us - so naturally, he was committed to his job and school - as those were the things that were going to feed us and keep a roof over our heads.

Again - Billy could've just kept on in college, played baseball, and finished his bachelor's degree living life like most college students do - but he chose us over all that. He chose, quite honestly, the tougher life. Sure, he got to come home to us every day - and he's never once acted like he regrets it, but I know he knows what he chose was the tougher. But I also know, and have heard him say he's better for it. I don't want to speak for him on this, but I look at guys his age - and they're all at different stages in life. Some haven't married yet. Some are just marrying. There's a remarkable difference in maturity in Billy and those other guys. I look at those guys and think "YIKES!" So glad I've got my Billy.

So we love him for many reasons. His heart for the Lord. His faithfulness. His hard work ethic. His humor. His smile. His laugh. His fun good loving nature. His handiness around the house. His easy-going nature. His calmness. His butterfly kisses to Ms. Cosette. His big bear hugs to Micah. His crazy spontaneous wrestling with the dog. His determination. Just his over-all heart.

And so I didn't just fall in love with my sweetheart, I fell in love with the dad of my boy and future little girl. I fell in love with his heart. His adoptive heart. His daddy heart. His heart of gold. And boy, am I ever-so-glad I did.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy (Billy)! We love you. So much. Forever. Always.

                                      Micah with his "BB."
                                                                                                (9 - 10 years ago)

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What Five Baby Tomatoes Reminded Me

"I felt so bad about that baby tomato I plucked off so I prayed ever since for new babies and they're here!" is what she said. Here are words of my eight-year-old girl who had been praying for "new baby tomatoes" ever since the day she accidentally plucked one off.

Days ago, my lil girl went out to check on her little garden like usual and found a sweet lil baby tomato showcasing its glory on one of our plants. She was over-whelmed with excitement at the little tomato's grand entrance into her little garden world. She jumped up and down as if she was told she was getting a baby brother or sister (no, seriously). Shortly after, while examining it more closely, she accidentally broke the lil guy off. Devastated, she ran inside with tears in her eyes, and went to her room. We repeatedly assured her it was perfectly fine - "No really sweetie, it's fine." Sure enough, that lil soulless tomato was weighing quite heavy on her heart. Who knew such a thing could overwhelm a little girl's heart to such a degree? It took me back to my childhood of making sure my dolls were covered up in blankeys before bed - and my mom said she would even put pictures of people and things to bed herself as a little girl (laying down the frame, and covering it up with some sort of cloth). My little girl would use anything and everything to ensure her dolls and toys were comfy and cozy - even using socks as little sleeping-bags for many. The heart of a little girl is blessedly and empathetically sweet.

My lil girl, without my knowing, had been praying for "new baby tomatoes" since accidentally breaking off the first one. I watched her go out as usual to check on her garden yesterday out my kitchen window, and saw her excitedly run in. I knew there was good news of some sort. She told us to come out with her, so we ran out (acting excited ourselves of course). And there she began jumping up and down by the garden bed saying, "Thank you, thank you Jesus!" And there they were - five little new tomatoes. She said, "I felt so bad about that baby tomato I plucked off so I prayed ever since for new babies and they're here!" The relief poured from her little heart, and her eyes twinkled as she carefully examined every single one.

A few moments later - she said, "I must've been good at watering them! Nevermind...God's been good at watering them!" (We've had a lot of rain recently.)

After I watched her water her garden afterward and after I took some pictures of the exciting moment - I began thinking. I started thinking about her overwhelmed excitement over simple, little, soulless, baby tomatoes. I mean - of course little tomatoes are great, but simple, little, and soulless is really what they are (though I would never tell her that). Her words about "praying for baby tomatoes" struck a chord. As wonderful as the moment was and numerous other moments similar to that one are - it got me thinking about life and the extreme loss of empathy.

You see, every little girl and boy is born with some amount of empathy. And every little girl and boy is naturally born with a sinful instinct as well. It really depends on their environment to nurture that empathy. (Parents are most responsible for nurturing it, but other influences and surroundings will impact that as well. For instance, the school your child sits in 7+ hours a day for 5 days a week; the church they go to; friends they hang out with; media they listen to.) Sadly some children are never shown love and attention and never learn to water a plant, to pet a cat, or to shed a tear over hitting an animal on the road. These same kids grow up as less empathic individuals - at worst, criminals. I'm sure you've heard the number one red flag in lack of empathy is a lack of care or attention to animals - or worse - doing harm to them. This is why correctional facilities have programs where inmates can take care and train shelter dogs. It's a wonderful program. They learn discipline all while instilling an empathetic heart towards these dogs which will hopefully translate to empathy towards people. Empathy starts with protecting the most vulnerable among us - which is why experts point toward animals as proof whether or not a person has empathy (which is of monumental value for many aspects).

So as I stood watching my little girl masterfully make her omelet after parading around about the five little new tomato babies - I began pondering... "This precious heart has prayed for days for baby tomatoes - she has gone out there persistently multiple times every day to check to see if new tomatoes appeared. Yet..3,000 unborn soulful - intrinsically and miraculously designed REAL babies are slaughtered daily and never prayed over, never thought of, never empathized over." I then thought.."153+ million orphan children languish around the world in deplorable orphanages, are trafficked for rape, and are dying of starvation, AIDS, or other diseases. What about the nine people just slaughtered in their church in another state? The numerous lives that are taken by ISIS on a daily basis..." and most of us go most of the day without thinking once of all these countless real, soulful, ever-loved-never-forgotten lives that Christ died for. We live comfortably in our too-big-of-homes, driving our shiny nice cars, eating like gluttonous corrupted ancient Romans, and buying our little girl's dolls more clothes and items than most third-world children would dream to own themselves.

Where is the empathy? Where are the knees that are rubbed raw and red from kneeling in prayer over all the lives slaughtered on a daily basis? Where is the joy, jumping up and down, and praising Jesus at the good news of a life that's been saved? Where is the persistent and constant praying for *real* lives that truly matter?

I look at my little girl and her ever-so-big heart and think..."May my heart go back to being that big and empathetic. Lord, create in me a new heart. A bigger heart. A heart that's vulnerable and empathetic to all around me, despite the fear of being hurt." I sometimes think my little girl's heart is too big for her own good. That may sound silly to you, but we all know the biggest hearts get hurt the most. But the biggest hearts are also the most Christ-like. All the desensitization to all the hurt of this world can really weigh our hearts down and cover them in a hard shell if we're not careful. We've heard of unborn babies' lives being taken away for so long and so often, that we don't blink an eye when we pass by an abortion clinic; we don't pray while passing. We hear so much of ISIS that we can read an entire article, feel bad, then quickly move onto listening to a song on Youtube. We can watch an entire documentary of the plight of orphan children, shed a few tears, and quickly fall asleep in our comfortable beds. Where, where is the empathy? Where are the cries? Where is the defense for the defenseless?

How does a little girl go from tucking baby dolls into doll beds to growing up and walking into a clinic to rip apart the baby inside her? What went wrong? Oh how the loss of empathy is grossly permeating the world around us. You may wonder why I'm focusing on unborn lives - it's because little girls tend to showcase the most empathy through numerous actions - so to think of a little girl growing into a woman, and taking the life of an unborn child within her - well, I just can't think of anything more illustrative of the loss of empathy than that. For the record, I don't blame these confused young women - I blame those around them (including influential political figures) that tell them it's okay to do. The blood of these innocent children are on all those people's hands - more than these confused women. I'm very empathetic over these young ladies; my heart breaks for them.

My prayer today, as my sweet lil girl has unknowingly reminded me, that empathy is restored to our hearts to a childlike level. May we stop and think about what's going on around us. Sure, we can't live our lives in constant despair over all the problems around the world - but can you agree that we can soften our hearts to what breaks our Savior's a bit more? That we can stop focusing on what doesn't matter, and focus more on what does? That we see the plight of others' problems more important than our favorite show that comes on at 7? Or that vacation we're counting down the days to?

Lord, wrench our hearts, let us lose sleep at night if that's what it takes to restore the kind of empathy that implements change. Bring us to our knees. Let the tears consume us. Just break us for what breaks you.

Let us gain back all the empathy we may have lost since we were children; the kind that finds us mourning over the loss of life and rejoicing for the new.

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Hello Summer! And What I Learned This Weekend

You know what I'm guilty of? Not writing enough just every-day simple life cheery-type posts. So here's one for the record, peeps.

We've got some small news. Okay, I'm lying - pretty big news that we're not sharing for a while (and no, I'm not pregnant) and you know what? It's a killer not being able to tell you. I'm incredibly good at keeping anyone else's secret - just not my own! I'm an open book kind of gal and it's tough not blurting out what's going on in our little lives. Could you do me a favor though, dear reader? Pray for us when you think about it. Pray for God's continual guidance in our lives, and pray for His ever-binding-perfect will.

With all that said - our summer has officially started! The kids will continue reading through the summer and do some writing - but other than that, we...are...done! I was able to attend our homeschool convention this weekend, and it was a wonderful time to recharge my batteries (if you homeschool - ya know what I mean). I talked to someone, and they said "Why can't they have this convention in February?!" Totally agree - that's *really* when us moms could use the recharging. Big time.

So, some notable speakers that were at the convention were: Dr. Jay Wile (Apologia), Heidi St. John, Marianne Sunderland, Cheri Frame (Credits Before College), Dr. Lou Priolo, and many more. I soaked up much wisdom over the weekend. Although the convention was considerably smaller than Great Homeschool Conventions (which I've attended in Cincinnati) - it was a quality good one. If you ever come visit me in Iowa - you'll find they do things small here, but the good kind of small. I like it. :-)

Are you ready to hear some of what I've learned? I promise to condense it as much as possible. As possible. *Grin*

#1: Credits Before College by Cheri Frame. Check out the site. Like now. Especially if you have a homeschooler entering 6th grade or higher. Here you'll learn how it's possible for your homeschooler to receive a bachelors degree (or even higher!) when they graduate high school -- saving a *TON* on college tuition. The creator of Credits Before College, Cheri Frame, has homeschooled kids who both received their bachelor's degrees when they graduated high school, and guess what? Their total education cost less than braces. I don't know about you - but my son just got braces a few months ago, and hey...that's pretty stinkin' doable. In fact - it sounds heavenly.

#2: Transcripting and recordkeeping: keeping it simple. While it's most important to begin recordkeeping in high school - it doesn't hurt to start detailed recordkeeping 6-8th grade. Just taking note of detailed course of studies, test scores and documents in portfolios (like most of us normally would anyway) - all suffices for recordkeeping. About grading - calculating only test scores is the route I'll go. It's simpler - and I believe the most concise way to keeping records (our everyday practice/in-homeschool work is done until it's perfect and understood - so I feel those records don't serve as well as just test scores).

Transcripts: I have a while before I really need to go into panic-mode about this (I'm like 1/4 of the way into panic mode with my boy going into 7th - 3/4 more of the way and I'll be hitting the panic button). But although it sounds dreadful and scary - transcripts can be simple! Visit http://creditsbeforecollege.com/transcripts/ for great simple advice for completing a transcript.

#3: Teaching science at home! Dr. Wile said something that's fairly common sense but also scary: that MATH matters the most - especially in the earlier years! So yes mamas, math is the big-daddy from K-6th. It helps train our littles' brains for science. And enthusiasm is what's most important for science in the earlier years - like any subject! This is great news for homeschoolers of course, because our philosophy is to instill a LOVE of learning. So, get them enthusiastic about science! Make it light, but not simple, and by all means - make it fun! Immerse those littles in knowledge, experiments, and take time to observe nature and surroundings. These K-6 years are important for creating a love for learning over memorizing facts.

So what about 7th grade and higher? This is when of course structured curriculum is definitely necessary. Most of us know this and are going this route. I know for us, we begin General Science - which will have a lot more involved. In high school - math basically still rules. In order to do a lot of science courses - our students need to be well-rounded in math studies. Chemistry of course uses a lot of algebra. Kids need to be able to read and understand graphs well. And physics? Some trig experience is needed. Our ultimate goal should be that our kids take biology, chemistry, and physics before finishing high school (oii). Um, yea..a lot of kids don't finish all three. But goals are important, right?

#4: Avoiding Homeschool Burnout!: This was a Marianne Sunderland session. She suggests some key factors for avoiding burnout, which I'll list below:
- Lots of prayer
- Wake up early
- Focus on character
- Have a clear routine
- Plan your dinners!
- Give thanks - consistently
- Keep your priorities straight

Causes of burnout:: Unrealistic expectations (been there), doing too many outside activities, feeling too isolated, and experiencing parenting issues (unruly kids, strong-willed kids, teen years, etc). So, if you have unruly or teen kids - throw them out of the house and save yourself some burnout. :-D K, maybe not - this is when character training comes to play.

#5: Heidi St. John's sessions can easily be found on her Fearless Mothering blog. And you may have already read those - so I won't bore you! :-)

I've learned a lot more than those four things, but those are some of the more memorable sessions. Over-all, it was a wonderful weekend of sitting through sessions, chatting with a few friends, and just the camaraderie of other homeschool parents - who by the way, are some of the finest people I've ever known. Just downright dedicated, go-the-extra-mile type people.

So - it's summer. And yes, us homeschool mamas love summer just as much as the kids. :-) I think summer reminds us of the better seasons in our lives. It's bright, sunny, warm, and cheery. There's fireworks, cookouts, friends, and family. Spring may bring new life - but summer brings celebration of that life.

Today we meet some friends for some swim time like we did last week. It's a nice time for the kids to get together - and of course us moms get to do what we like to do more than swimming - chat (sign of adulthood? Definitely).

So, raise your mugs of iced coffee, folks - here's to summer!

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