What is modesty? Why is it important? And more imperatively, how do we raise our daughters and sons during times in which our culture is over-sexualized and oozing immodesty?Modesty by definition is "behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency." Look closely and notice that modesty isn't just about the appearance but also about behavior and manners.
As more churches seek to be more "user-friendly," in hopes of attracting more members, these same churches have become silent on the issue. Many will say it's not our battle, that going into an issue such as this is going down a path to legalism. Ultimately of course, modesty is a matter of the heart, but as Titus 2 states, younger women do need loving instruction. There are a myriad of reasons why the Church has failed to its instruction of younger women.
Start Early and Lead by Example.
When it comes to raising our daughters during these times, it's important that they understand the concept of modesty very early. When my daughter was only five or so, she would call cleavage "THE LINE." It was hilarious. Every time she saw "the line," she'd lean in to me and dramatically say, "Did you see THE LINE Mommy?!!" :-) It was cute. She would also see ads of scantily clad women and say, "Mommy, girls shouldn't dress like that." Still, today, she will turn a "bad ad" in the check-out aisle if she sees one. As I said, it starts early. While we may think it's cute for little girls to wear things we consider as immodest for teens or women to wear, we're sending confusing messages to our little girls. Call me old-fashioned, but I believe what is immodest for one age group, is immodest for the rest. Once your five year old gets used to wearing "booty shorts," do you really think she'll stop wearing them once she's 12 or 13?
On the flipside, let us not forget in raising our sons to be full of integrity and respect in these times. Dads, you are critical here. You are the ones that need to lead the way. We all know one of those dads that gawk at women in front of their young boys, comment on "how hot" they are, and in worse cases, smack women's behinds. I once had a young boy smack my behind a couple times, and found out it was because he saw his daddy do it. Look, it's not cute. At all. In fact, you, the dad who thinks it's cute to see your son say women are hot, you are training your son to degrade, disrespect, and objectify women. Stop that. Instead, show your sons that women are not things to be gawked at, but that they're precious daughters of God who in all cases are either mothers, daughters, or sisters that deserve more respect (no matter how they're dressed).
What is "behavior and manners" in the name of modesty? You can be completely dressed modestly, yet act immodestly.Your body language speaks volumes about you. For instance, do you bend over to pick up a pen with your rump up in the air, knowing your skirt is hiking up? How do you converse with men? Do you put your hand on their arm as you're talking to them in a giddy voice? I've seen women, in church, sit right beside an older man, very closely, turned in toward him, and put their hand on their shoulder while laughing it up in a very flirty way. Yes, I'm sure his older wife would just love that. Not. :-) Flirting is immodest behavior. How about when you lean down and your shirt gapes open. What do you do? It should become instinct to put your hand over to ensure the whole world isn't seeing what's in the cave. These are just a few examples of how our behavior and manners are everything to do with modesty.
God's Word isn't applicable in certain environments, and not in others. This one is tough for us all, and I've been convicted on it. Why is it okay to wear a bikini on the beach, yet totally immoral to wear one in church or walking into a store? Is God not omnipresent? Never-changing? Are His standards not applicable for all places? Have I missed some type of memo? This again is a matter of the heart.
Mutual Responsibility.
I believe in mutual-responsibility when it comes to modesty. That's right men, you are not off the hook, at all. 1 Corinthians states we are not to become a stumbling block to our brothers and sisters in Christ who may be weak. Of course this scripture is relevant in how we live our lives in all ways, but it does include modesty. Scripture is also adamant that the lust of the eyes is adultery of the heart. In Matthew 5 we see this and it states that any man that looks upon a woman with lust in his eyes has committed adultery in his heart. This is a serious violation of God's Word no matter how "common" we believe it is in our culture today. That means one lustful look at a woman, and a man has already broken the 7th commandment. As much as we're used to this type of immorality in today's world, it's still serious. Look, I know that even if we're completely covered up in robes, some men will still have their share of problems. With that said though, you can't tell me that we don't hold some type of responsibility. Why do you think porn is such a problem? Are those girls covered up? The less we wear, the more inviting it is to men's eyes.
Men, You Can Do This!
With everything said, men, you are not animals. Well, some of you may act that way. :-)Train your eyes. Your eyes don't need to go below the shoulders. If something is blatantly bad, look away. Even if you think you can handle it, just play it safe. Young men, you may not be married, but your future wife deserves purity in this. The Bible does not let you off the hook. Protect your purity with God first in mind, as well as that precious future wife of yours. What battles you are facing now do not simply go away with marriage, in fact, those battles may get worse. Therefore, get things under control now. God doesn't give you anymore than you can handle, and He sure isn't going to excuse your lustful behavior. Basically, God knows you're able to conquer this. Seek out help if you think you may have a problem. There are numerous resources out there that deals with this exact thing.
Men, 1 Timothy states to treat older women as mothers, and younger ones as sisters. This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible, because it speaks volumes. Think of a world where men took this scripture to heart in all ways? Know that that young girl you may give a second glimpse at is someone's baby girl. How would you like older men gawking at your young daughter or grand-daughter? How about older women? Treat them as you would your own mother with the utmost respect. We need to get back to the basics, which are clearly outlined in God's Word.
Seeing Through A Godly, Not Worldly Perspective.
Everyday we have to encounter a society and culture engrossed in anything but Godly values. If our kids go to school, everyday they experience peer influence, and desensitization to wrong. At work we constantly encounter people talking about one night stands, wild partying, crude jokes, you name it. Every day we may drive by a billboard for a "gentleman's" club (more like pervert's club). If you watch tv, every day you and your kids are coming across images of vanity, lust, or vulgarity. Is there any way to not be influenced by worldly desires, consequently seeing through a worldly perspective? Is it possible? I believe it is. Through reading God's Word, and going back to biblical principles, we can get back to living by God's standards.
The Golden Rule
Treat others as you want them to treat you. We go to the zoo during the summer, and in many cases we'll see a group of Amish around. I respect Amish for many reasons, and even though I'm dressed a lot more modestly than others, I still want to throw a choir robe on when I'm around them (simply out of respect). You have the right to wear what you want, but would it kill to put yourself in others' shoes and maybe cover up a little more? When you're old and not feeling your best, would you like younger women "flaunting what they got" to your husband? Dress as you want other women to dress around your husband, father, or brother.
Romans 12 states that we are to be living sacrifices to the Lord. In order to be living sacrifices, we have to offer ourselves completely to God. Basically, we are to sacrifice our desires and wants in order to be pleasing to Him. This is a foreign subject in today's world. As Christians, this concept is applicable in all facets of our lives, including modesty. This may have us sacrificing our desire to fit in with the latest fashion trends. It may have us switching from our old favorite store to another one because they only sell certain types of clothing. More importantly, we have to keep in mind that not everything that is the latest most popular fashion trend is necessarily modest. Don't be swayed by popular opinion, or what your friends think. We are called to be set apart from the World, and that should be evident in all areas of our life, including what we wear.
Over-all, God's Word is as relevant today as it was when it was first written. 1 Timothy 2:9 states that we are to adorn ourselves in proper modest clothing. If God's standards haven't changed (Malachi 3:6), what does that say about today's modesty? Instead of trying to ride the fine line, let's strive to live on the side of the line that would be most pleasing to God. After-all, He gave all, and He deserves our all.
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