9 Random Tips for the Young Housewife

               These days women are getting married much later than they did when our parents, grandparents, and generations before them got married. Anymore, it’s odd for people to hear of a 19, 20, or 21 year old *woman* getting married. When I was going in to have my gallstones removed, the doctor asked how old I was, complimented how sweet I was, and mentioned he had a son my age he was interested in having me meet. I said I was 21 but I was married, and not only that, but I had two children. He was still kind to me, but I overheard him tell an assistant in an empathetic voice, “She’s only 21..married..with kids.” Women are told anymore that happiness is fulfilled when they graduate high school, spend four years through college, live their life through their career, then eventually, typically after dating many guys, settle down, get married, and start a family. Quite honestly, though it may work out for some, I don’t think God intended things to work out that way. If you haven’t read John Stonestreet’s case for young marriage, you ought to. There are many advantages to marrying young, but I won’t bore you in listing those. Below though are nine random tips for the young housewife. :-)

               
               Don't hold your husband back. I watch a lot of young wives make this vital mistake. I was a young wife myself, 20 years old, with a three year old son and another baby on the way. My husband was going to school full-time as well as work full-time. He left very early in the morning and didn’t get home until typically late at night. We lived on $9.50 an hour, but we lived well (as well as we could), and within our means. Basically, he was gone a lot, and a lot more than I wanted him to. I know you want your hubby home whenever you get the chance. I know how tempting it may be to ask that he takes off work or school so you can spend much needed time together and so he can help with the baby. I know. Believe me, I know. And while him being home more feels good and makes you happy, you’re hurting your family’s future, especially if your family lives under one income. Encourage your husband to reach the goals he had prior to meeting you, as long as those goals are practical and what is best for the whole family. Know that all the being away is just for a season. Think in the long-term, not short-term. :-)

                Stop comparing your life to his. As a young housewife, it’s easy to compare your life to his. Of course! It will seem like he’s out there living his life, while you’re stuck at home like a mole-rat. He gets to do lunch with co-workers and friends, golf occasionally, and you? You’re home juggling all the housework, kids, and maybe schoolwork. When you start thinking this way, snap out of it, and snap out of it quickly because this attitude can quickly turn to bitterness, which is *not* good for your marriage. His life is hard, just as yours may be. Unless we’re talking about a very rare situation, most likely your young husband is not working the job of his dreams; in fact, I bet it’s a stressful one. The fact of the matter is, neither of your “jobs” are without stress. Neither is paradise, but both reap rewards. He provides for you and the kids, and you provide for him through taking care of the kids and home as well.

      Embrace Dependency. This is an *incredible* ingredient to a healthy, strong marriage. It’s when women get so independent that they feel they don’t *need* a man, that disaster soon follows. Listen, your man needs to feel needed. And you need to feel needed. My husband and I are a team, and we’re very dependent on each other. He provides so we can have a house, food, cars, you name it. I provide by taking care of the kids (free of charge), taking care of the things he provides, preparing homemade meals every night by the time he gets home, ensuring money is well spent, etc. We can’t make things work without each other. You need to know that your job of being home is of monumental value. He needs to know his work is of utmost value also. Your husband needs you. You need him. And your husband not only needs to know you need him, but that you want him. I know some women are in tougher relationships where the husband isn’t doing his part by making his wife feel wanted and needed, but to that wife, keep on. Keep showing him love despite his negligence. 50% of effort is better than none in a marriage.

               Be open about jealousies. And never make it out to be a game. Hey, you’re young, he’s young, and you’re both as attractive as you’ll ever be, so this is particularly relevant toward young wives and husbands. Of course, try not to sound like a crazy woman who will slice the throat of a woman who simply looks at your husband, but be honest, and expect honesty in return. Since dating, he and I have been very honest about it. We fully know how jealous each other are, and believe it or not, that’s been healthy in our marriage and has helped with the guards we put up to protect ourselves, and each other. Men do a disservice to their wives by claiming they’re not jealous. He knows it makes me physically ill just thinking about someone making a pass at him, despite the fact that I know he would never return the pass.

                Have safety guards. You have every right to protect your marriage as much as possible. One example, we don’t ride alone in the car with the opposite sex. That’s actually a safety guard we agreed to without having to even ask. It was just assumed. Many people think that’s weird. They think it’s odd to have such a crazy rule when you 100% trust your spouse. Now trust your spouse, but know that naivety can be a killer in a marriage. While I totally trust my husband, and vice versa, we also know we’re 100% human and not infallible. We’re not Jesus after-all. Many people “totally trusted themselves” before wrecking their marriage. Another reason for the “not riding with the opposite sex,” is that it just looks bad. C’mon, if you see a married man with a young attractive woman that’s not his wife riding along, what are your first thoughts? And I don’t trust the town gossip not to start a rumor and have it spread like wildfire by the end of the day. Other safe-guards are keeping e-mail and social-networking passwords open with one another. If you’re having to log-out of Facebook before your husband sees it, there’s something very wrong there. What are you doing that he cannot see? Accountability is key here. I know that at any time he can read my e-mail, look through my FB account, see what I bought on Amazon, you name it. Even keeping the computer in a highly trafficked area in the house is smart. Do what it takes to protect your marriage and family. This can sometimes mean radical measures. No problem of course, we Christians are peculiar radical people anyway aren’t we? J

                Put on real clothes. That's right, you heard me, you in the baggy kitten shirt! I call this “the frump.” You know, your husband gets home and your hair is messy and unclean, you’re also wearing over-sized baggy t-shirts with paint-stained sweats. Now, while I understand it’s tough, especially when you have a newborn for instance, it’s important to do better than that, not just for the hub, but for yourself. Every morning, eventually take time to clean if you haven’t the night before, brush your hair, do your make-up (if you wear it), and put on *real* clothes. You’ll feel better about yourself tremendously, and your hub will appreciate it. I’ve heard other moms say, “He goes to work with female co-workers all done up, and comes home to a tired, PJ-wearin’ wife.” Why? Simply try to look at least as presentable as you would taking a walk down your road, or making a grocery store stop. :-)

                Make your bed. Every morning. When it seems like nothing else in the house is getting done, do this. In my newly married years, I abhorred housework. Laundry was the devil. Dishes were the devil. With that said, the nasty stuff needs to be done first. Clean your dishes right after a meal so they don’t pile up, or rinse and put them in your dishwasher. Make sure no globs of jelly are on the countertops, the garbage disposal is emptied, the floors are swept, you name it. The nastiest stuff is top priority in your housework. After that is done, laundry’s next. Repeat after me: A load a day keeps the chaos a day. Do not, I repeat, do not get buried under Mt. Clothes-more. Once you’re buried, the tougher it is to get out. If you’ve got a smaller family, a load a day does the trick. Eventually once you get that down, you can go to every two days, then three. J And yes, you need to put those clothes away. Nothing is better than knowing all clothes are in their rightful homes. I also keep small laundry hampers, not the 3+ foot ones. This makes it easier to transport around the house (especially moving up and down two floors), and laundry doesn’t pile up as much this way. Nothing is worse than towering laundry hampers overfilling with dirty laundry. Oh, the eyesore. Not to mention when it gets like that, the more discouraging. Again, I’m sharing this in love knowing that you’ll feel much better not living under Mt.Clothes-more. :)

                Put that baby to bed. Oops, did I just say that? I look back and one of the many things I’m thankful I did is simply, put the babies to bed. Their bed, not yours! ;) Especially in a young marriage with little ones, this is so important. You need a place that’s just for you and your husband; a place of refuge in some ways; a place where kids toys, pictures, and books aren’t in your face. You also need better sleep, and your husband too. Basically, the kids have learned to respect our bed and our room. They know it’s *our* room. We put them to bed, read to them, pray with them, and eventually go to bed on our own and lock the door. This has been the routine for years. Yep, we lock the door, and always have, which has helped reaffirm the fact that that’s our space.  They can’t sneak in and sleep with us. Even on the rare occasion if one comes knocking on the door at 3AM saying they’re having a bad dream, one of us will take them back to bed, comfort them, pray with them, and say goodnight again. This reinforces the idea that their bedrooms aren’t places of fear they can retreat from, but places of refuge to retreat to. All in all, put the kids to bed at a decent hour (if possible), and devote the rest of the evening to your hub. This is the part of the day you should look forward to. We put the kids to bed and look forward to a cup of coffee together while playing a game, or watching a good show on Netflix.

                Pray for your husband as much as you pray for those sweet babies of yours. As he goes to work, let this be a reminder to pray for him. Pray for spiritual guidance in all things he says and does, pray for strength, pray for traveling mercies for his commute, and pray for encouragement. We need to be the number one prayer warrior in our husband’s life. Drown him with prayer, and then put some action into the things you pray over him about. If you’re praying for encouragement, be the encourager. If you’re praying for restoration, help in restoring him. If you’re praying for traveling mercies, remind him to not look at his phone while driving.

                Whew. We have quite a bit of responsibility, and that’s only touching the iceberg. Being a young wife, particularly a housewife is great, but it doesn’t come without its trials. Just know that all of this is not in vain. Know that your value is incredible. Those babies and that husband of yours find you priceless, even through times you don’t feel that’s the case. An older homeschool mom once said that homeschooling (in this case, mother/wifehood) is like quilting. As you’re working, you only see the unfinished product from your side of the quilt. God though sees the future through the beautifully finished product from above. All the hard work does not go unseen, and eventually, someday, you’ll see how all of it was worth it. Let’s keep quilting, and let’s quilt with the future of the beautiful finished product in mind.