Can I be honest with you, sweet friend who takes time to read my measly ol' blog? (You're awesome, by the way!)
I've been in what I call a "funk" for the past few months.
My guess is most likely you've been in a funk at some point too, or maybe you're in a funk right now?
These days I feel lower in energy, and feel I'm "just" scraping by in all I do. I'm not feeling like a supermom these days, at all. I'm not feeling like a superwife. I just don't feel "super" at anything. I've gotten headaches more often. I'm not as quick to get out of bed in the morning. You name it, and it's probably a little more of a struggle for me right now. (I don't want family to worry if they're reading - so please know it's not a debilitating kind of funk at all, and I'm still healthily-functioning -- just not *as* well as usual.)
I wish I knew the *exact* reason why I'm in this funk. I have an idea, so I'll share a bit later in this post.
It's not easy to share this. These days the internet is FULL of superwomen (or what appear to be). I've always known I'm not one of them, but these days I'm reminded I'm REALLY not one of them.
I've been told it's not good to kick yourself. I beg to differ. If you don't kick yourself, what's there to push you to improve? If you ask me, all my life improvements have been a result of some form of kicking. I think an appropriate kick is good if it comes with a side of encouragement and cheering on. Cue in the Holy Spirit, to whom I give credit for being the ULTIMATE grace kicker. If you're just kicking yourself and actually HURTing yourself (to where you flat out don't want to get back up), that my friend, isn't the Holy Spirit -- that kind of kickin' is not what I'm talking about. The Holy Spirit may let you kick yourself, but will also make sure there's a side of encouragement and grace to go along with it so that you can get up and *move* to improve whatever it is you're kicking yourself for.
This past week, I've been kicking myself with a side of grace. I'm kicking myself knowing I can do better right now, and *need* to do better *right now.* For God. For my husband. For my kids.
As you probably know, we're currently in the valley of an international adoption process. Our paperwork is in China and we're simply just waiting to be matched with our little boy (or girl). Literally *any day* and *any time* a phone call will come asking if we'd like to view a special lil boy's or girl's file which very well could be our son or daughter! We've been waiting 10+ weeks/2 1/2 months since our paperwork was sent. That may not sound long -- but when you're open to either gender, many people receive referrals within a month or so, so 2 1/2 months is fairly long to be waiting.
Is my funk to do with this process? I actually think so. I'm abnormally emotional these days. I tear up more often. I deep-dream-sleep almost non-stop through the night which I believe is why I've been waking up with a headache pretty often. I also wake up through the night insanely more often than I ever have - usually thinking about the process and our little one. So all of this makes me think it's the process.
I would *hope* the cure is just getting our son or daughter's referral -- but I know the waiting will probably get even tougher, so I can't count on just snapping back when that day (hopefully very soon) comes.
I would *hope* the cure is just getting our son or daughter's referral -- but I know the waiting will probably get even tougher, so I can't count on just snapping back when that day (hopefully very soon) comes.
These last months as a family of four before we become five are special, and I know that. We do spend *a lot* of time together, which is one thing I feel good about (this is when grace comes in after the kicking). We homeschool (as you know), and when the hub gets home, we eat together of course, then the rest of the evening we spend on the trampoline, going to the field to throw/hit balls, you name it, and we're doing it together. Family time has always been and is very important to us. Good, quality, sort-of-unproductive family time where we're all splitting our sides in laughter is important. Evenings where we're all together is when I'm at my happiest -- it's throughout the day that is tougher.
Tips for a successful KICK with a side of grace?
- Open up to the Lord. Tell Him what you're experiencing. Basically -- cast your cares on Him!
- Praise Him and thank Him for all your past and current blessings.
- Be honest with yourself and Him. What is needing improvement? Outline the specifics!
- Now that you've outlined specific things needing improvement -- how will you improve those things? Trouble getting out of bed at a specific time? Ask your spouse to call you at a specific time to wake you up. Put your alarm clock further away from you. How about house-keeping? Struggling with Mt. Clothesmore? Begin doing two loads a day -- eventually you'll knock Mt. Clothesmore to no-more. You get the drift.
- Name things you are currently doing *well.* Are you loving on your kids despite the sink being full? GOOD! Give yourself some grace.
- Ask the Lord to help and guide you. Admit your faults. And if whatever it is is causing sin, ask for forgiveness. God's Word states that to even know good and not do it is sin. Laziness can be sin. Not improving can be sin. Whatever is -- lay it at His feet, and ask Him to guide you. Remember though, God isn't our puppeteer -- we are in charge of moving ourselves -- He can only help guide us in that.
- Cheer yourself on. You can do this. If you're finding yourself in a deep-deep valley and feel you can't do this on your own, seek help. Yes, God can help you -- but sometimes we also need the help of others who can be used as His hands and feet. Surround yourself with those that can encourage or help you -- who are walking a similar road or who *have* walked a similar road. When beginning homeschooling - I tried to surround myself with other homeschoolers. Now that we're adopting -- I have surrounded myself with adoptive-families. Your road is *not* meant to be walked alone!
The internet is full of encouragement-only blogs. I apologize this isn't exactly one of them. We all can improve in one way or another in one facet or another in our lives. Let's stop accepting mediocre, and strive for better (not for ourselves, but for those we love so dearly around us, and most importantly for our dear Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!).


