We had just traveled from Iowa the night before. The day of my 30th birthday we ate at one of my local favorites for lunch and went to a cookout by the pond with all my family in the evening. We ate, the kids kayaked, and we played sardines with all the kids (a type of hide and seek game).
Then suddenly, unexpectedly, our baby, Bowser (dog) passes away. All we know is he was over-exerted. We rushed him to the vet, around midnight, and they told us they couldn't find a heartbeat.
He was lively and incredibly energetic soon before, and now...gone. Just gone. My baby...gone.
The drive back was daunting. I was grieving but knew we had two kids we'd have to sit down to tell. Two kids who adored that lil flat-faced 40 pounds of joy. Two kids whose worlds nearly revolved about him.
The first night and following day are somewhat like torture. To see your kids mourn. Comments like, "There was so much I wanted to do with him." or "He was the best dog..." or "It'll be so hard to go back home...without him...to an empty house.." To hear quiet sniffling and crying as they tried to fall asleep only to wake up with blank faces in a daze forgetting that there was no lil tail-wagging dog to greet them good morning.
Ms. Cosette came to me, trying to lift my spirits and said "We can try to find another dog like him, Mommy.." I put my head down as I felt tears about to scream from my eyes and thought though never said.. "But all I want IS Bowser.."
Quite honestly, I never understood the hype and obsession with dogs prior. I couldn't stand the baby-talking, and all that. Of course I loved animals, but never fathomed having one on four legs in my house, in our beds, or on our couches. Not until Bowser that is. Then I'd become the crazy-baby-talking dog person. He taught me what it was like to really, really love an animal and to truly appreciate God's creations to another level.
Bowser would sit at the table and watch the kids do schoolwork. He'd go outside and play with them all the time. He'd take turns sleeping with both at night (it was as if he wanted to be even with both). He didn't mind big sis dressing him up in fairy wings and tutus. He was quite the trooper. He adored his walks and rides in the car --- you couldn't say "bye-bye" without him rushing to the door and excitedly jumping up and down to go. He'd annihilate any stuffed toy there was around, except for baby dolls -- he'd leave those alone and would even lay with them. And he was ornery. He'd grab something and run and loved being chased. He loved his dad. He'd wait at the back door right around 5:30 knowing dad would walk through that door at any moment. He was smart. If he saw something good on the table that he wanted - he patiently would wait for us to leave the room in order to sneak it off the table. He also figured out how to open the upstairs gate by pulling the lever to pop it open. He was so sweet, and loved any bit of attention he could get. He also loved chasing red dots (lasers) - so much so, that he'd quickly squeeze under beds to get one when we'd flash it underneath. He loved snuggles and always had to be with us -- so much so, we could leave the back gate wide open and he'd never run out of it -- he simply wanted to be right with us. Boy, was he our baby.
We had him for over 3 1/2 short years. And while this was so painful and he was gone what felt like far too soon, we're so grateful to have had him added into our family because he brought such a joy to our house. We've had so much fun with that lil guy. So much fun. What I'd give to just hold him again. To squeeze his squishy face and baby-talk to him as ridiculous as I'd sound. To hear his snore or grunt. To see his upside down floppy-mouth grin face while we rubbed his chest. To say, "Daddy's home!!" and to see him go wild in excitement. May have "just been a dog.." but he brought so much life and joy and was all of ours baby. He is truly irreplaceable.
Ms. Cosette has talked about another dog. Some may not understand that - but it's a coping mechanism for her. The way I see is there are now two holes in our hearts. One is a Bowser shaped hole. Nothing will ever fill it -- nothing but fond memories. Then there is a general, no specific-shaped-dog-hole in our hearts. So, we plan to get a dog soon in hopes to go back to Iowa to not a dogless house -- but one that will still have tail-wags and excited barks. A quiet house with an empty dog crate would be too painful for us all.
Being in Ohio at this time is some of a blessing. I believe if we were back home, it would be extra painful. Here, we're staying with family and keeping busy with this or that -- and this isn't where we lived as a family prior to Bowser passing. I totally get what Ms. Cosette is talking about with how painful it'd be to walk in our house, to see an empty crate, and just silence. No excited barks saying "Let me out!!" -- no tail-wagging excitement greeting us. No parading around the house with a bone to say "I'm happy to see you!!" And so if we got another dog, it wouldn't be to replace Bowser, but to say that Bowser was such a good dog, such a joy, that it's too hard to imagine life without one.
The kids said that if dogs go to Heaven, then Bowser is probably driving Jesus nuts. And he's enjoying the fattest, juiciest steak ever.
We love you, Bowser.
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